Yesterday, the day after Christmas, my kids were super over tired from the long week we had had so far and my house was a complete wreck. I was determined to make sense out of it all, even though I knew it was going to be a horrible day full of attitudes, frustration, and very little success. It did in fact end up being a really rough day, and I was in a bad mood for most of it as a result. :P So, when I woke up this morning and sat down for my devotion time, I find it no surprise that God had me read what I did... especially in the midst of waking up to the house I spent all day yesterday cleaning in complete shambles already, the play room carpet is soaked with the water from the now deflated punching toy the kids got for Christmas, Kyleigh spilled a bottle of bubbles all over one of my shelves full of books, and my two youngest children were having a battle of the feet (not a happy one) while we were sitting on the couch together. Thankfully, I was already half way through the chapter, so I decided to walk past all of it and sneak into the "man cave" downstairs to finish reading before tackling each situation. Praise God that I did...this is some of what I read. (This is all from a book called 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp) :)
"In our rushing, bulls in china shops, we break our own lives. Haste makes waste...On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgment and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur...
The time, always the time, I'm an amateur trying to beat time. The six kids rouse. We race. The barn...and hurry.The books, the binders...and hurry! In a world addicted to speed, I blur the moments into one unholy smear. I have done it. I do it still. Hands of the clock whip hard. So I push hard and I fall hard and when their wide eyes brim sadness and their chins tremble weak, I am weary and I am the thin clear skin, reflecting their fatigue, about to burst, my eyes glistening their same sheer pain. The hurry makes us hurt. ..
I speak to God: I don't really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done --- yesterday...
I just want time to do my one life well...
Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here.I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment. And when I'm always looking for the next glimpse of glory, I slow and enter. And time slows. Weigh down this moment in time with attention full, and the whole of time's river slows, slows, slows....
Wherever you are, be all there...This is where God is. In the present. I AM --- His very name...
Thank God for the time, and very God enters that time, presence hallowing it. True, this full attention slows time and I live the full of the moment, right to outer edges. But there's more. I awake to I AM here. When I'm present, I meet I AM, the very presence of a present God. In His embrace, time loses all sense of speed and stress and space and stands so still and...holy. Here is the only place I can love Him...
It's ridiculous how much joy a moment can hold...
The real problem of life is never a lack of time. The real problem of life --- in my life --- is lack of thanksgiving....
Calm. Haste makes waste. Life is not an emergency. Life is brief and it is fleeting, but it is not an emergency...Stay calm, enter the moment, and give thanks...And I can always give thanks because an all-powerful God always has all these things, all things, always under control.
The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction...
I watch the hands move grace on the clock face. I'm growing older. These children growing up. But time is not running out. This day is not a sieve, losing time. With each passing minute, each passing year, there's always a deepening awareness that I am filling, gaining time. We stand on the bring of eternity.
I want to savor long whatever time holds.
As I sat here and typed all of this up, I have had countless interruptions. Landon brought me his new puzzle box soaked in more bubbles, Kyleigh and D.J. were screaming their heads off at each other over a game, Hayden pulled out the step ladder and was climbing onto the counter to rummage through a cup of random nick knacks, and I literally just ran into the kitchen (which is right next to me at the moment) to rip a bottle of prenatal vitamins out of Haydens hand...a supposedly child proof bottle that she managed to open and tried to eat. Yes... despite what it may seem, there are things to be thankful for even in these moments. The fact that I have healthy active kids...kids who are able to use both hands, both feet, their voices, their brains... kids that drive me up the wall, but also shower me with love constantly throughout the day. Beautiful kids...beautiful gifts from my amazing Father in heaven...who for whatever reason, trusted me enough to be their mother.Even now, my youngest son just walked up to me and gave me a kiss on the shoulder, for no reason at all. May we enjoy EVERY moment...chaos or calm, and give God the glory in all things!
Now to go clean up all the water downstairs... what am I thankful for in this moment? The fact that we own a shop vac ;)
Friday, December 27, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Unglued
The other night, after a LONG week of Thanksgiving cooking, 2 days straight with just me and the kids (Dave was hunting), and then our final day off consisted of me cleaning and grocery shopping...I literally came "unglued". I love this term because it offers the perfect description of what is happening in these moments, moments that I know I personally have at least once every couple months (sometimes more). I laid in bed and, per my usual 3 month break down, poured out my heart to my sweet, patient husband. Expressing how tired I was, tired of trying to keep up with the house, tired of all the different battles each child of mine poses throughout the day, tired of the endless dishes, laundry and filth... I told him I just couldn't do it, not alone. It was TOO MUCH. I struggle to enjoy my children most days, to enjoy life. I know this can't be what God wanted for me, for my family, for anyone. What am I doing wrong? I feel guilty 98% of my week. Guilty over my reactions, guilty over the lack of time spent with my kids, individually and together. Guilty over the lack of desire to even WANT to spend time with my kids. Guilty over not being able to keep the house together. Guilty for being such a poor example of Christ to my family and those around me. Guilty, guilty, guilty. I was exhausted. On top of that, of course, I feel fat and uncomfortable thanks to my 5th pregnancy. This should be a beautiful time, but unlike our childhood dreams painted, pregnancy really isn't so "pretty". It's incredible, don't get me wrong. It is the most precious gift God has given me, times 5. I LOVE my children, I love my life, and I love being a mother and wife. But what I had no idea going into it all, was just how much work it really was. How exhausting, and grueling, and repetitive it was. Above all, how chaotic it was! After I literally "vomited" all of these emotions to my husband, he got me laughing, I felt a bit of relief, and we went to bed. As usual, the next day I just went on as always, no change, just pushing on through the raw emotions that fill my day. I desire so badly to be the wife, mother, and woman God has created me to be. But for the life of me, I cannot seem to figure out how on earth to do that. I know I need God's help above all else, but in a life of such chaos and business, I struggle to find that one on one time with Him daily. And I'm sorry, but I can't just meet with Him once a day, I need Him continually throughout my day. But life doesn't seem to allow for that...hence my continuous feeling of being "unglued". Often throughout the week, I think about how much I wish we could just sell everything, move to another country, and live modestly serving the Lord. I imagine this will remove all of the chaos and business that fill our days. And though God may have that for us one day, He has us here now, and I need to figure out how to get my life under His control, under His peace, right where I am.
Like the loving, amazing Father that He is, the night after my fateful breakdown, I stumbled across a blog post one of my friends had shared. It expressed my emotions, my thoughts, my heart, to a T. I was floored. I read some of it to Dave and he was under the impression I had written it. Oh how refreshing to know you are not alone! I feel Facebook, of all things, makes everyone feel worse about themselves. We see what looks like perfect lives, perfect parents, perfect examples of self control, and we feel more and more like the failures we have painted in our minds. But to see a woman who struggles like I do. Who fights depression, who fights these awful outbursts of anger and frustration towards her husband and kids. Who wants to crawl into a hole and just hide from the world. It was just what I needed to hear.
Today, in God's perfect timing, I finally decided to head to Lifeway and buy the book we are planning to read for our Bible study. Prior to leaving the house, I had dealt with Hayden peeing herself, then Hayden pooping herself (and I mean, it was not a smooth clean-up, lets just say I had to throw the underwear away), and while cleaning her up, Gabriel had managed to get into the dog bowl of water and was soaked head to toe. On top of that, I planned to do a slow cooker meal today in loo of going to the gym this evening, only to discover I had in fact forgotten to buy the main ingredient. Then it was time to take them all to the grocery store, and Landon insisted on pushing his own cart (one of the mini ones). Well, he is a terrible driver to say the least. He began the journey through the store by running straight into the entrance door. Embarrassing. Then, we take a few steps forward and he runs into my ankles. OUCH. And then he does it again. It took about 10 minutes to get the boy to stop looking down and running into everything and everyone in his way. We left the store with him sobbing LOUDLY because I wouldn't let him bring the cart through the parking lot. Then, I come home to find the dog had pooped in the living room...again. Eventually we made it to nap time, and I sat down to begin reading my new book. First time I have gotten to spend alone time with the Lord this week... if that doesn't sum up how the week has gone so far. :P God could not have put a more perfect book in my hands. Another refreshing realization that I.AM.NOT.ALONE. Many, if not most, of the mothers in this world...heck, most women mothers or not, are dealing with the very same emotions of defeat, helplessness, and guilt. She says in the first chapter, "I know what it's like to praise God one minute and in the next minute yell and scream at my child---and then feel both the burden of my destructive behavior and the shame of my powerlessness to stop it." YES! I am so thankful we have a God who loves us so much, who cares about us enough to provide such encouragement in the midst of our abundantly blessed lives. And we are in fact so blessed. We may fail to see it most days, or to feel it, but we know deep down just how blessed we are. And He never fails to remind us. But He knows our plight, He knows our struggles, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet he did not sin." - Hebrews 4:15 And as our Father, our incredibly loving Father, He knows just what we need and when we need it. I cannot wait to see what this book holds, and I am so thankful for authors like Lisa, who are willing to be so vulnerable and transparent in a world where we all try to pretend we have it all together. Because the truth of it is, none of us do, and everyone of us faces these feelings at some point in time, if not all the time.
To begin this book, she shares the very first way to start "renewing our minds". We need to change our perspective. Today, though it is hard to say how on earth all those events held any good, I can look back and think, "I'm thankful I have a healthy little girl. I am thankful I have an abundance of clothes to change her into when all of these accidents happen. I am thankful Gabriel is such a happy little baby who knows how to entertain himself, even if it ends in a mess. I am thankful I have an independent little boy who is willing to learn how to do something new, and continue trying even though his mother is being a grump and he is struggling to catch on. I am thankful my dog pooped on the hard wood floor and not on the carpet. I am thankful I have a home for which all of these things could happen in and we are not stuck out in the cold like so many others. I am thankful I have enough money to go buy a book full of of encouragement and truth, and the freedom to do so. As Lisa Terkerust says, "I can't control the things that happen to me each day, but i can control how I think about them. I can say to myself, "I have a choice to have destructive thoughts or constructive thoughts right now. I can wallow in what's wrong and make things worse, or I can ask God for a better perspective to help me see good even when I don't feel good... Yes, I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control."
Like the loving, amazing Father that He is, the night after my fateful breakdown, I stumbled across a blog post one of my friends had shared. It expressed my emotions, my thoughts, my heart, to a T. I was floored. I read some of it to Dave and he was under the impression I had written it. Oh how refreshing to know you are not alone! I feel Facebook, of all things, makes everyone feel worse about themselves. We see what looks like perfect lives, perfect parents, perfect examples of self control, and we feel more and more like the failures we have painted in our minds. But to see a woman who struggles like I do. Who fights depression, who fights these awful outbursts of anger and frustration towards her husband and kids. Who wants to crawl into a hole and just hide from the world. It was just what I needed to hear.
Today, in God's perfect timing, I finally decided to head to Lifeway and buy the book we are planning to read for our Bible study. Prior to leaving the house, I had dealt with Hayden peeing herself, then Hayden pooping herself (and I mean, it was not a smooth clean-up, lets just say I had to throw the underwear away), and while cleaning her up, Gabriel had managed to get into the dog bowl of water and was soaked head to toe. On top of that, I planned to do a slow cooker meal today in loo of going to the gym this evening, only to discover I had in fact forgotten to buy the main ingredient. Then it was time to take them all to the grocery store, and Landon insisted on pushing his own cart (one of the mini ones). Well, he is a terrible driver to say the least. He began the journey through the store by running straight into the entrance door. Embarrassing. Then, we take a few steps forward and he runs into my ankles. OUCH. And then he does it again. It took about 10 minutes to get the boy to stop looking down and running into everything and everyone in his way. We left the store with him sobbing LOUDLY because I wouldn't let him bring the cart through the parking lot. Then, I come home to find the dog had pooped in the living room...again. Eventually we made it to nap time, and I sat down to begin reading my new book. First time I have gotten to spend alone time with the Lord this week... if that doesn't sum up how the week has gone so far. :P God could not have put a more perfect book in my hands. Another refreshing realization that I.AM.NOT.ALONE. Many, if not most, of the mothers in this world...heck, most women mothers or not, are dealing with the very same emotions of defeat, helplessness, and guilt. She says in the first chapter, "I know what it's like to praise God one minute and in the next minute yell and scream at my child---and then feel both the burden of my destructive behavior and the shame of my powerlessness to stop it." YES! I am so thankful we have a God who loves us so much, who cares about us enough to provide such encouragement in the midst of our abundantly blessed lives. And we are in fact so blessed. We may fail to see it most days, or to feel it, but we know deep down just how blessed we are. And He never fails to remind us. But He knows our plight, He knows our struggles, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet he did not sin." - Hebrews 4:15 And as our Father, our incredibly loving Father, He knows just what we need and when we need it. I cannot wait to see what this book holds, and I am so thankful for authors like Lisa, who are willing to be so vulnerable and transparent in a world where we all try to pretend we have it all together. Because the truth of it is, none of us do, and everyone of us faces these feelings at some point in time, if not all the time.
To begin this book, she shares the very first way to start "renewing our minds". We need to change our perspective. Today, though it is hard to say how on earth all those events held any good, I can look back and think, "I'm thankful I have a healthy little girl. I am thankful I have an abundance of clothes to change her into when all of these accidents happen. I am thankful Gabriel is such a happy little baby who knows how to entertain himself, even if it ends in a mess. I am thankful I have an independent little boy who is willing to learn how to do something new, and continue trying even though his mother is being a grump and he is struggling to catch on. I am thankful my dog pooped on the hard wood floor and not on the carpet. I am thankful I have a home for which all of these things could happen in and we are not stuck out in the cold like so many others. I am thankful I have enough money to go buy a book full of of encouragement and truth, and the freedom to do so. As Lisa Terkerust says, "I can't control the things that happen to me each day, but i can control how I think about them. I can say to myself, "I have a choice to have destructive thoughts or constructive thoughts right now. I can wallow in what's wrong and make things worse, or I can ask God for a better perspective to help me see good even when I don't feel good... Yes, I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control."
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Patience...Encouragement...Grace... Or not?
We are doing a study at church by Beth Moore...a study about having a heart like His. The study focuses on David, the man God referred to as "the man after my own heart". I am only in the first week and am so incredibly blessed by what I have learned so far. I have read countless books that challenge Christians to evaluate where we are in our walks with the Lord, that force us to question whether we have truly submitted to Christ or not. Many of them leave even the most confident believers wondering if we truly grasp what it means to follow Christ. Then God hits me with this study, and I am filled with relief and comfort, because despite the ugliness that comes out of me so often....the pride, the envy, the jealousy, the judgment and criticism towards others... God looks at our hearts, He sees whats deep down, what our true desires are. Others can only see what we show them on the outside, our actions and our words, but God sees our most personal and precious asset...our hearts. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 Praise Him for that! Even when I question my motives, my thoughts, and my actions...and even when others do... I know, and above all, God knows, that deep down I truly do desire to know and follow my Him. I fail miserably ALL.THE.TIME, but I absolutely do love Him and want Him to fill me and change my life continually.
I think this is true for many of us, but I have noticed that most of us (believers) fail to allow for each other's failures, for each others lack of maturity in certain areas. I have grown to despise Facebook most days, not for the same reasons most do... but because I am continually discouraged by the lack of love and encouragement we as believers are showing towards one another. I expect those outside of our faith to question us, to attack us, to criticism and mock us... and I can handle that. That is part of following Christ, our message is foolishness to them. (1 Corinth. 1:18) We are promised persecution, even though the persecution we face in America is NOTHING in comparison to what our brothers and sisters around the world are facing daily. What I cannot handle is the criticism and judgment that we all have towards one another, towards other members of the Body of Christ. I watch as we post things that each of us find encouraging or challenging, and the first people to attack and "bite back" aren't our non-christian friends, in fact many times they are liking these posts. Its other Christians! I watch as so many come back with a rebuke towards the article, blog, or quote, expressing why they feel it is completely wrong, un-biblical, or out of context. Who do we think we are?! How much are we hindering one another when we do that! How much are we interfering with God's work in each other's lives when we are constantly arguing and disagreeing over the silliest stuff! I understand if we are posting about things completely against God's word, things that are clearly a hindrance to our walk with the Lord. In those cases, we can privately message that person or meet with them if God so lays it on our hearts to do so, and point them to God's word, rebuking them in LOVE. However, most of the time this is not the case. Most often we are arguing over things that are completely a matter of opinion... we are airing those opinions out of selfish motives...and clearly the problem is that we all seem to expect everyone to share the exact same opinions and thoughts on EVERYTHING...and of course, our OWN opinions are always the correct ones.
Where is the patience? The love? The encouragement? Where is 1 Corinthians 13 in our relationships towards other members of Christ's body? What message are we sending to the watching world? None of us have it all together, none of us have all the answers...I think we need to be reminded that yes we have been saved from the ultimate consequence of our sins, but we are in the process of sanctification until the day we meet our Lord face to face. We are (well, we should be at least) in a constant state of growth and maturity in our faith and knowledge of God and His word. Our lives today look nothing like they did 5 or 10 years ago. Our lives 5 or 10 years from now will look nothing like they do now. What we think we know today will most likely change over the course of the next year or so. I can say that there are a dozen things I thought I was right about a year ago, and God has humbled and broken me over the last 12 months to show me I was completely wrong. And I guarantee I will look back and think the same thing again a year from now. I may think what "so and so" says is wrong now, but I may agree with them in a few months because the Spirit will have opened my eyes to that truth. None of us are always right! We should be in a constant state of humility, recognizing that even if we are right and our friends are wrong, it is only by the grace of God that we have gotten to this point, and we should pray that God will work on their hearts to reveal to them what He has so graciously shown us. In the mean time, praise God for the fact that our brothers and sisters in Christ are seeking after Him! God is ecstatic that their hearts are open to Him and choosing to follow Him, whether they have it all together or not, and we should feel the same way!
Look at David... man did that guy make some mistakes! His emotions were all over the place, he made terrible decisions on many occasions, but God didn't focus on that... God still called Him a man after His own heart. We look at his life and are encouraged by him, we admire him... and yet when it comes to one another we criticize? Those of us that may be more mature in our faith are intimidating those who are new to the faith, we make it difficult for them to grow and open their hearts to us because they are terrified we are going to jump down their throats for being "wrong". That is not the love of Christ, that is not the body of Christ working to encourage and build one another up. I am not simply pointing fingers either, God has been tearing apart my own heart and revealing to me the ugliness and lack of grace I have shown towards others over the years, and that I continue to show. May we all strive to live as 1 Thessalonians 5:11-15 says...
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else."
I think this is true for many of us, but I have noticed that most of us (believers) fail to allow for each other's failures, for each others lack of maturity in certain areas. I have grown to despise Facebook most days, not for the same reasons most do... but because I am continually discouraged by the lack of love and encouragement we as believers are showing towards one another. I expect those outside of our faith to question us, to attack us, to criticism and mock us... and I can handle that. That is part of following Christ, our message is foolishness to them. (1 Corinth. 1:18) We are promised persecution, even though the persecution we face in America is NOTHING in comparison to what our brothers and sisters around the world are facing daily. What I cannot handle is the criticism and judgment that we all have towards one another, towards other members of the Body of Christ. I watch as we post things that each of us find encouraging or challenging, and the first people to attack and "bite back" aren't our non-christian friends, in fact many times they are liking these posts. Its other Christians! I watch as so many come back with a rebuke towards the article, blog, or quote, expressing why they feel it is completely wrong, un-biblical, or out of context. Who do we think we are?! How much are we hindering one another when we do that! How much are we interfering with God's work in each other's lives when we are constantly arguing and disagreeing over the silliest stuff! I understand if we are posting about things completely against God's word, things that are clearly a hindrance to our walk with the Lord. In those cases, we can privately message that person or meet with them if God so lays it on our hearts to do so, and point them to God's word, rebuking them in LOVE. However, most of the time this is not the case. Most often we are arguing over things that are completely a matter of opinion... we are airing those opinions out of selfish motives...and clearly the problem is that we all seem to expect everyone to share the exact same opinions and thoughts on EVERYTHING...and of course, our OWN opinions are always the correct ones.
Where is the patience? The love? The encouragement? Where is 1 Corinthians 13 in our relationships towards other members of Christ's body? What message are we sending to the watching world? None of us have it all together, none of us have all the answers...I think we need to be reminded that yes we have been saved from the ultimate consequence of our sins, but we are in the process of sanctification until the day we meet our Lord face to face. We are (well, we should be at least) in a constant state of growth and maturity in our faith and knowledge of God and His word. Our lives today look nothing like they did 5 or 10 years ago. Our lives 5 or 10 years from now will look nothing like they do now. What we think we know today will most likely change over the course of the next year or so. I can say that there are a dozen things I thought I was right about a year ago, and God has humbled and broken me over the last 12 months to show me I was completely wrong. And I guarantee I will look back and think the same thing again a year from now. I may think what "so and so" says is wrong now, but I may agree with them in a few months because the Spirit will have opened my eyes to that truth. None of us are always right! We should be in a constant state of humility, recognizing that even if we are right and our friends are wrong, it is only by the grace of God that we have gotten to this point, and we should pray that God will work on their hearts to reveal to them what He has so graciously shown us. In the mean time, praise God for the fact that our brothers and sisters in Christ are seeking after Him! God is ecstatic that their hearts are open to Him and choosing to follow Him, whether they have it all together or not, and we should feel the same way!
Look at David... man did that guy make some mistakes! His emotions were all over the place, he made terrible decisions on many occasions, but God didn't focus on that... God still called Him a man after His own heart. We look at his life and are encouraged by him, we admire him... and yet when it comes to one another we criticize? Those of us that may be more mature in our faith are intimidating those who are new to the faith, we make it difficult for them to grow and open their hearts to us because they are terrified we are going to jump down their throats for being "wrong". That is not the love of Christ, that is not the body of Christ working to encourage and build one another up. I am not simply pointing fingers either, God has been tearing apart my own heart and revealing to me the ugliness and lack of grace I have shown towards others over the years, and that I continue to show. May we all strive to live as 1 Thessalonians 5:11-15 says...
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else."
Friday, September 13, 2013
The End of the Story
We are called to faithfully follow Jesus in the midst of this sin-stained world, but we also have the sweet promise that it won't be like this forever. Jesus will return, and the world will be set to rights. Whereas now we experience injustice, God will bring justice. Where there is division, God will bring peace. Where there is sin, God will bring righteousness. This is the promise that carries us along when we feel as though this world is too broken to be fixed or that we are too weak to endure much longer.
The most important thing that we should understand about the future is that Jesus is coming back. When He returned to His Father, He left the church to carry on His mission and sent His Holy Spirit to empower us for the task. But Jesus is not done with this world. He will return, and when He does, He will rule over a perfect, peaceful, re-created earth.
Read the first chapter of Revelation and you will quickly see that Jesus' second coming will be much different from His first. The meek Servant, once ridiculed and spat upon, is shown to be the Ruler of the universe and worthy to be feared. At His return, Jesus will bring final salvation to His people, restore justice to the earth, and destroy all of God's enemies. The book of Revelation records fierce warfare and portrays Jesus as a conquering King, boldly reclaiming the world that rightfully belongs to Him (Rev. 19). As weak as the church has seemed at some points in history, as persecuted and defeated as we sometimes feel, this is what lies in our future.
God's plan of redemption has never been contingent. There has never been any doubt about the way history will end. This is God's world; He created it; He vowed to reclaim it; He died to purchase His people, and finally, when the time arrives, He will come and take the world by force...No matter how much opposition we face, the day will come when everyone will see Jesus for who He truly is. His reign will finally be realized on earth in the same way that it has always been realized in heaven.
Just as God's actions in the past should affect the way we live today, so God's actions in the future should shape everything we do now. One of the strongest features of the book of Revelation is its encouragement to remain faithful in the midst of seemingly hopeless circumstances.
We can follow the story line from beginning to end, yet there is one gap that still remains in the story, and that is the part that we are called to play. The end of the story has been written, but we still have the responsibility to faithfully play our part. The hope and healing of the gospel still needs to reach people all around the world today. This moment has been entrusted to us by God. Making disciples has always been the calling of the church, and it is our responsibility to be devoted to the end.
Let us pray that when Jesus returns, He will find us faithfully pursuing His mission with the skills, relationships, and resources that He entrusted to us.
From the book Multiply by Francis Chan
The most important thing that we should understand about the future is that Jesus is coming back. When He returned to His Father, He left the church to carry on His mission and sent His Holy Spirit to empower us for the task. But Jesus is not done with this world. He will return, and when He does, He will rule over a perfect, peaceful, re-created earth.
Read the first chapter of Revelation and you will quickly see that Jesus' second coming will be much different from His first. The meek Servant, once ridiculed and spat upon, is shown to be the Ruler of the universe and worthy to be feared. At His return, Jesus will bring final salvation to His people, restore justice to the earth, and destroy all of God's enemies. The book of Revelation records fierce warfare and portrays Jesus as a conquering King, boldly reclaiming the world that rightfully belongs to Him (Rev. 19). As weak as the church has seemed at some points in history, as persecuted and defeated as we sometimes feel, this is what lies in our future.
God's plan of redemption has never been contingent. There has never been any doubt about the way history will end. This is God's world; He created it; He vowed to reclaim it; He died to purchase His people, and finally, when the time arrives, He will come and take the world by force...No matter how much opposition we face, the day will come when everyone will see Jesus for who He truly is. His reign will finally be realized on earth in the same way that it has always been realized in heaven.
Just as God's actions in the past should affect the way we live today, so God's actions in the future should shape everything we do now. One of the strongest features of the book of Revelation is its encouragement to remain faithful in the midst of seemingly hopeless circumstances.
We can follow the story line from beginning to end, yet there is one gap that still remains in the story, and that is the part that we are called to play. The end of the story has been written, but we still have the responsibility to faithfully play our part. The hope and healing of the gospel still needs to reach people all around the world today. This moment has been entrusted to us by God. Making disciples has always been the calling of the church, and it is our responsibility to be devoted to the end.
Let us pray that when Jesus returns, He will find us faithfully pursuing His mission with the skills, relationships, and resources that He entrusted to us.
From the book Multiply by Francis Chan
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
One Day...
Yesterday was my "cleaning day"... Monday's usually are. However, I don't even know why I bother to call it that, it is more like my "damage control day" where I try and make my house look a little more like something CPS MIGHT consider overlooking. I managed to get the house in order...some what...and my laundry was half done and folded, but still in all the baskets waiting to be put away. I woke up this morning and looked around once again to realize my house was a complete wreck yet again. The dishes that I had washed yesterday were flowing out of my sink and all over my counter tops once again... my kitchen table was covered with juice, crumbs, and a few toys here and there. My living room toy basket was once again dumped all over the floor, and my folded clothes in the laundry room had been tipped over. What is that saying? "Cleaning with children in the house is like shoveling snow while its still snowing." Yeah... that's about right. My Mom continues to tell me to try and clean as I go... My friends with immaculate houses and vehicles continue to amaze me... And my poor husband continues to love me some how. I am not a messy person, I LOVE cleanliness... and for the first few years of motherhood, I felt total anxiety every time my house would be turned upside down in filth. It still bothers me to an extent, but I have come to realize that I can't have both. I can't have a perfectly clean house right now AND enjoy my kids. Other mom's may have mastered this, but I have tried for 4 years and it just ain't happenin' over here. Instead, I tackle what I can and try to climb my way through the rest (literally). We have all heard this said in a number of ways, but here is my version...
One day, I will not walk into a bathroom to find my sink covered in hand soap and toothpaste, the floor stained with sip-up juice spots and random shoes and toys, and the walls won't serve as part of my son's pooping ritual (you don't want to know). Today, it will remain the grossest room in the house... next to my kitchen.
One day, I won't walk through my house and step on cracker crumbs, juice spills, and chewed up green beans that my kids secretly spit out in another room when I wasn't looking. There will not be trails of sip-up wrappers, chip bags, and sippy cups, ( ok, this may still happen later too because of my "larger child"). Today, I will just wear shoes.
One day, I won't open my van with a friend or stranger nearby and see the look of horror on their faces when they realize I could feed my family for a week with the amount of crumbs on the floor. Crayons, markers, shirts, shoes,cups, dolls, cars, coloring books and crumbled up papers will not be the floor, and there won't be fruit snacks and gum stuck to the seats. For now, at least I know in an emergency situation my vehicle will provide all that we need to survive.
One day, I will not go to pay for something and pull out a wallet overflowing with receipts and a diaper stuck to the side of it ( a clean one, don't worry). It will be organized, and I won't be that lady holding up the line trying to figure out where I stuck my debit card the last time I used it. For now, I will unashamedly share my travel screw driver with a stranger, and watch as they struggle to open it up because there is gum jammed inside of it from the bottom of my purse.
One day, I will no longer wake up to countless dishes covering my counter tops and kitchen table. It will be spotless and I will be able to safely eat my breakfast off them immediately upon waking up. But for now, I choose to leave the after dinner mess each night to go spend time reading, playing, or watching T.V. with my sweet kids.
One day, my husband and I will not pull back our blankets and climb into a bed of crumbs and children.We will have sweet smelling fresh sheets that I hung out on the line and lay peacefully with one another as we watch New Girl. But for now, we lay in our sheets full of "snacks", with four little wiggly bodies crawling all over us as we watch The Lorax for the 150th time.
So the next time you come over and see my house, my van, or witness me struggling at the grocery store register, know that I am not naturally a messy person, but in the battle between myself and "messiness", messiness is winning...and so are my kids. ;)
One day, I will not walk into a bathroom to find my sink covered in hand soap and toothpaste, the floor stained with sip-up juice spots and random shoes and toys, and the walls won't serve as part of my son's pooping ritual (you don't want to know). Today, it will remain the grossest room in the house... next to my kitchen.
One day, I won't walk through my house and step on cracker crumbs, juice spills, and chewed up green beans that my kids secretly spit out in another room when I wasn't looking. There will not be trails of sip-up wrappers, chip bags, and sippy cups, ( ok, this may still happen later too because of my "larger child"). Today, I will just wear shoes.
One day, I won't open my van with a friend or stranger nearby and see the look of horror on their faces when they realize I could feed my family for a week with the amount of crumbs on the floor. Crayons, markers, shirts, shoes,cups, dolls, cars, coloring books and crumbled up papers will not be the floor, and there won't be fruit snacks and gum stuck to the seats. For now, at least I know in an emergency situation my vehicle will provide all that we need to survive.
One day, I will not go to pay for something and pull out a wallet overflowing with receipts and a diaper stuck to the side of it ( a clean one, don't worry). It will be organized, and I won't be that lady holding up the line trying to figure out where I stuck my debit card the last time I used it. For now, I will unashamedly share my travel screw driver with a stranger, and watch as they struggle to open it up because there is gum jammed inside of it from the bottom of my purse.
One day, I will no longer wake up to countless dishes covering my counter tops and kitchen table. It will be spotless and I will be able to safely eat my breakfast off them immediately upon waking up. But for now, I choose to leave the after dinner mess each night to go spend time reading, playing, or watching T.V. with my sweet kids.
One day, my husband and I will not pull back our blankets and climb into a bed of crumbs and children.We will have sweet smelling fresh sheets that I hung out on the line and lay peacefully with one another as we watch New Girl. But for now, we lay in our sheets full of "snacks", with four little wiggly bodies crawling all over us as we watch The Lorax for the 150th time.
So the next time you come over and see my house, my van, or witness me struggling at the grocery store register, know that I am not naturally a messy person, but in the battle between myself and "messiness", messiness is winning...and so are my kids. ;)
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Another nightmare day....
Yesterday was one of those days you have nightmares about... It was the first day after Dave's surgery, and we had it all planned out to make it as smooth as possible. My mom came and took my three big kids to the splash park for a few hours in the morning and Gabriel napped for most of the morning as well. It was just Hayden. I thought it was going to be a good day based on how smooth the first half went, and once I got everyone settled at nap time, I attempted to tackle my homework for the week. I wrote one sentence in my notes and a baby started screaming. While trying to get her to go to sleep, I heard Landon and Maxwell in the bedroom jumping around and laughing...not sleeping. I spent a good half hour trying to get everyone to go to sleep, only to accept defeat in the end and just let them all stay up. All the big kids went down stairs to play, and I sat down again to try and do some homework. The baby was so overtired that she just wanted to be held, nothing else would work. So as I pick her up and try to head down stairs, I hear Dave start hollering in the bedroom. I go in and he is buckled over in pain. He was having severe discomfort in his shoulder from being in the same position for over 24 hours. His muscles were tight and sore and he was unable to find relief because he isn't allowed to move his arm. It was so bad I called the nurse to ask for advice...meanwhile, I had Kyleigh in the living room playing with Ella until I could get Dave's pain under control. While waiting for the nurse to call back, D.J, walked in the room and said, "Mom, someone did something REAL bad, they used too much toilet paper and the toilet over flowed." I walk into the bathroom to find the whole floor covered in water. It even managed to soak part of the basement through an opening in the bathroom closet. So I start to clean that up, during which Ella starts screaming again and the nurse finally calls me back. I am holding Ella and trying to talk to the nurse to get information, while Dave is literally rolling in the bed trying to find a position that left him some what relieved. This whole scene played out for a good hour, between trying to help Dave, the baby crying and we called the nurse twice. He FINALLY got comfortable, and was so exhausted from all the pain that he fell asleep. PRAISE THE LORD.
Through all of it, I have to brag on Kyleigh, she was AMAZING all day. She was always going in and checking on her daddy, asking him what he needed, keeping his drink filled and helping him with his arm exercises. She kept asking me how she could help as well, and did in so many ways! She helped with the babies all day, she dried and put away the dishes, and she and D.J. cleaned the entire play room. Whenever things got crazy, she was right there seeking a way to lessen the load. When it got close to bed time, Hayden pooped...and it was a nasty one might I add...and without even having to ask, Kyleigh let me know and then took Hayden into the bedroom to change her diaper. What 6 year old is willing to change a poopy diaper, let alone that bad of one? However, Hayden wouldn't let her and ended up getting it all over her legs and Kyleigh's sheets. So while I cleaned Hayden up, Kyleigh got wipes and started cleaning off the bed. Again, AMAZED. We were coming close to bed time and I was SO ready. I discovered then that Kyleigh's tooth brush had been on the floor when the bathroom flooded, so I went to boil it. I stuck a coffee mug full of water in the microwave to boil it. This is when the "icing on the cake" moment happened....
Apparently, when I stepped out of the room, the microwave went off and Kyleigh, trying to help, took the cup out. She must have put it close to the edge of the counter because next thing I know, I hear Hayden screaming bloody murder...and I mean it, BLOODY murder, from the kitchen. I run in the room and all I see is her back and she is bent over in pain screaming. I was sure she managed to get a knife or something and stabbed herself from the way she was screaming. But then I noticed the floor, where the coffee mug laid in a pool of water, and my brain put the pieces together. I ran to her and start to strip her clothes off and wipe her down, she was screaming the whole time. Her whole body was red and hot. I suddenly noticed one small burn on her belly, then looked up to see a really bad on on her shoulder with blisters. There were red streaks all down her chest, and her mouth was red as well, (I think she attempted to take a sip, realized it was hot and dropped it). Kyleigh ran to her room crying hysterically because she felt so bad for taking the cup out... I felt horrible for her, and obviously stressed that it wasn't her fault! Hayden and I spent the next hour cuddling in the bed with a cold wet cloth on her wounds. (It looked so much worse in person... it was hard not to get sick! :( )
I sought advice as to whether or not we should take her in or treat it ourselves, and was told to put Vaseline on it, of which I did. She went to sleep a little while after that and we laid down to watch T.V. Then I checked my Facebook about an hour later to find that others were going against the Vaseline idea. I looked it up and every site said NOT to use it, that it trapped the heat. I immediately went in and woke her up to unwrap the burn and clean off the Vaseline, of which I discovered two more blisters had formed as a result. It was then almost 11:00 and everyone I asked suggested we take her in, including the Anthem nurse. But Hayden was fast asleep and I felt horrible about making her spend the night at the E.R.... so with much reserve, I chose to wait until today. It turned out to be a good decision, thank the Lord. However, I spent the night setting my alarm to wake me up every two hours to check on her and make sure it wasn't getting worse.... I did not sleep well to say the least. (Here are my two wounded babies :) )
Today is going much smoother, thank goodness! My mom took my big kids to her house, I took Hayden to the doctor, and Dave is feeling MUCH better. I deem yesterday one of my top days from Hell. I haven't had one in a while, so I guess I was due, but the mental image of my little girl screaming from burns will forever haunt me. On the upside, I feel no guilt in making today a Starbucks day and will attempt to tackle the three homework assignments I have due this week despite the chaos that is my house right now! Thank goodness I have a God that loves me like He does, because without Him, I would have laid out in my drive way and let the van roll right over me....juuuust kidding... maybe... ;) Adios for now, praying I don't have another story to tell for a while! (here's my big girl, all bandaged up and feeling much better!)
Through all of it, I have to brag on Kyleigh, she was AMAZING all day. She was always going in and checking on her daddy, asking him what he needed, keeping his drink filled and helping him with his arm exercises. She kept asking me how she could help as well, and did in so many ways! She helped with the babies all day, she dried and put away the dishes, and she and D.J. cleaned the entire play room. Whenever things got crazy, she was right there seeking a way to lessen the load. When it got close to bed time, Hayden pooped...and it was a nasty one might I add...and without even having to ask, Kyleigh let me know and then took Hayden into the bedroom to change her diaper. What 6 year old is willing to change a poopy diaper, let alone that bad of one? However, Hayden wouldn't let her and ended up getting it all over her legs and Kyleigh's sheets. So while I cleaned Hayden up, Kyleigh got wipes and started cleaning off the bed. Again, AMAZED. We were coming close to bed time and I was SO ready. I discovered then that Kyleigh's tooth brush had been on the floor when the bathroom flooded, so I went to boil it. I stuck a coffee mug full of water in the microwave to boil it. This is when the "icing on the cake" moment happened....
Apparently, when I stepped out of the room, the microwave went off and Kyleigh, trying to help, took the cup out. She must have put it close to the edge of the counter because next thing I know, I hear Hayden screaming bloody murder...and I mean it, BLOODY murder, from the kitchen. I run in the room and all I see is her back and she is bent over in pain screaming. I was sure she managed to get a knife or something and stabbed herself from the way she was screaming. But then I noticed the floor, where the coffee mug laid in a pool of water, and my brain put the pieces together. I ran to her and start to strip her clothes off and wipe her down, she was screaming the whole time. Her whole body was red and hot. I suddenly noticed one small burn on her belly, then looked up to see a really bad on on her shoulder with blisters. There were red streaks all down her chest, and her mouth was red as well, (I think she attempted to take a sip, realized it was hot and dropped it). Kyleigh ran to her room crying hysterically because she felt so bad for taking the cup out... I felt horrible for her, and obviously stressed that it wasn't her fault! Hayden and I spent the next hour cuddling in the bed with a cold wet cloth on her wounds. (It looked so much worse in person... it was hard not to get sick! :( )
I sought advice as to whether or not we should take her in or treat it ourselves, and was told to put Vaseline on it, of which I did. She went to sleep a little while after that and we laid down to watch T.V. Then I checked my Facebook about an hour later to find that others were going against the Vaseline idea. I looked it up and every site said NOT to use it, that it trapped the heat. I immediately went in and woke her up to unwrap the burn and clean off the Vaseline, of which I discovered two more blisters had formed as a result. It was then almost 11:00 and everyone I asked suggested we take her in, including the Anthem nurse. But Hayden was fast asleep and I felt horrible about making her spend the night at the E.R.... so with much reserve, I chose to wait until today. It turned out to be a good decision, thank the Lord. However, I spent the night setting my alarm to wake me up every two hours to check on her and make sure it wasn't getting worse.... I did not sleep well to say the least. (Here are my two wounded babies :) )
Today is going much smoother, thank goodness! My mom took my big kids to her house, I took Hayden to the doctor, and Dave is feeling MUCH better. I deem yesterday one of my top days from Hell. I haven't had one in a while, so I guess I was due, but the mental image of my little girl screaming from burns will forever haunt me. On the upside, I feel no guilt in making today a Starbucks day and will attempt to tackle the three homework assignments I have due this week despite the chaos that is my house right now! Thank goodness I have a God that loves me like He does, because without Him, I would have laid out in my drive way and let the van roll right over me....juuuust kidding... maybe... ;) Adios for now, praying I don't have another story to tell for a while! (here's my big girl, all bandaged up and feeling much better!)
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Thankful
There has been such an overflow of bad news lately... not in my own life, but in the lives of others around me. One story was of a 13 year old girl (many of you have heard this one the news) who lost her battle with cancer, and her parents lost their baby girl. Another woman who so desperately wanted to be a mother, finally got pregnant only to deliver prematurely and go into a coma before even meeting her precious baby boy. Another was of a friend who just learned she has a condition that will leave her deaf with time, and I know another who will lose his sight. I have a couple friends who are desperately trying to have children and have been patiently waiting years for God to bless them with the ability to do so. I attended a sexual abuse training on Tuesday that was incredibly eye opening to the hurt and suffering so many youth are enduring behind closed doors because of the lack of protection their parents are failing to provide. Children are being kidnapped and sold into sex trade every day, cancer is rearing its ugly head all over the world, starvation and poverty consume millions of people every year... it is beyond heart breaking. All of it makes my "first world" struggles so insignificant in comparison. We were discussing how we are going to afford a car payment and how to lower the mortgage, while so many are losing loved ones, dying for lack of food and medical care, and struggling with life altering diseases and ailments.
I was sitting here reading my book and Hayden walks into the room wearing one of my T-shirts, a pair of sunglasses, and my high heels. (The high heels were removed before this picture ;) ) I was overwhelmed with gratitude to my God that I have a healthy, beautiful baby girl, one that I can SEE every day and watch grow, play, and dress up in her wild outfits.
That I have four beautiful healthy children whose laughter, screaming, and sweet (and many times annoying :) ) voices fill my perfectly healthy ears every day. That I have arms to hug, hold and carry them, legs to walk and run with them, health to care for them and their Daddy. I was blessed to carry each of them for 9 months, none premature, no problems or concerns. I was blessed to give birth to each of them, to hear them cry for the first time, to hold them and smell that sweet newborn scent. We have always been provided for, never having to watch our children suffer from being too cold, too hot, or too hungry. Though they drive me absolutely CRAZY most days and I tend to want to run in the opposite direction, I am blessed to be their mother, to be home with them, to care for them and watch them grow into the beautiful people God is creating them to be. This may not always be the case... in fact I am sure we will face many difficulties, tragedies, and heartaches over the years... but for now, may I never take for granted the MANY ways God has blessed our family. The greatest of which is that we were not born in a place where Christ's name is unknown, but in a country where we are not only free to believe what we want, but that is filled in abundance with books, churches, and people who saturate us in His truth and love. We were born into families that taught us His truth, and by the grace and mercy of our amazing Lord, our hearts were opened to His gift of salvation and we are eternally secure in His arms. If we were given nothing more than that, it would be more than enough. But God has chosen to bless us in more ways than we could count, and I pray we may never forget to give Him the glory and praise He deserves for allowing us to experience these incredible gifts. Even as my daughter just spilled grapes all over the floor by my feet and is rubbing sunscreen all over Gabriel's head, while my son is screaming at me from across the kitchen to get him more waffles... deep within my frustrations is a full heart of gratitude and thankfulness that I am able to enjoy these moments with my sweet family.
I was sitting here reading my book and Hayden walks into the room wearing one of my T-shirts, a pair of sunglasses, and my high heels. (The high heels were removed before this picture ;) ) I was overwhelmed with gratitude to my God that I have a healthy, beautiful baby girl, one that I can SEE every day and watch grow, play, and dress up in her wild outfits.
That I have four beautiful healthy children whose laughter, screaming, and sweet (and many times annoying :) ) voices fill my perfectly healthy ears every day. That I have arms to hug, hold and carry them, legs to walk and run with them, health to care for them and their Daddy. I was blessed to carry each of them for 9 months, none premature, no problems or concerns. I was blessed to give birth to each of them, to hear them cry for the first time, to hold them and smell that sweet newborn scent. We have always been provided for, never having to watch our children suffer from being too cold, too hot, or too hungry. Though they drive me absolutely CRAZY most days and I tend to want to run in the opposite direction, I am blessed to be their mother, to be home with them, to care for them and watch them grow into the beautiful people God is creating them to be. This may not always be the case... in fact I am sure we will face many difficulties, tragedies, and heartaches over the years... but for now, may I never take for granted the MANY ways God has blessed our family. The greatest of which is that we were not born in a place where Christ's name is unknown, but in a country where we are not only free to believe what we want, but that is filled in abundance with books, churches, and people who saturate us in His truth and love. We were born into families that taught us His truth, and by the grace and mercy of our amazing Lord, our hearts were opened to His gift of salvation and we are eternally secure in His arms. If we were given nothing more than that, it would be more than enough. But God has chosen to bless us in more ways than we could count, and I pray we may never forget to give Him the glory and praise He deserves for allowing us to experience these incredible gifts. Even as my daughter just spilled grapes all over the floor by my feet and is rubbing sunscreen all over Gabriel's head, while my son is screaming at me from across the kitchen to get him more waffles... deep within my frustrations is a full heart of gratitude and thankfulness that I am able to enjoy these moments with my sweet family.
Friday, July 12, 2013
It's all about me.
I am part of a bible study with two
of my good friends (and a recently added new friend J), and we are currently
reading a book called “gods at war” by Kyle Idleman. I have been intrigued by
the truths he is pointing out when it comes to identifying idols in our lives.
Many of us hear the word “idol” or “gods” and think of statues and wooden
figurines you hear about in Buddhist and Hindu cultures, but being one of the
10 commandments God laid out for us, we need to consider the fact that they are
much more than that. Kyle explains that, “Anything at all can become an idol
once it becomes a substitute for God in our lives. To describe the concept more
clearly, anything that becomes the purpose or driving force in your life
probably points back to idolatry of some kind. “
As I thought about this definition,
and meditated on several of the examples he had given, I didn’t feel any of
them really fit me. Now, I know all of us have idols in our lives so I just
needed to dig deeper to figure out what the heck I personally struggled with. Then
he nailed it, and boy did it sting. He asked the question, “What infuriates
you?”, and proceeded to give a detailed example of how we may react sitting in
traffic. Anyone that drives with me will quickly learn I suffer from a severe
case of road rage. Ride with me and you will soon discover that I firmly
believe the rest of the world stinks at driving. Kyle asks the question, “Why
does this stranger have so much power of your emotions? What about when someone
embarrasses you or doesn’t treat you with respect? What’s the real issue here?
Maybe your quick temper reveals the oldest idol of them all – The god of me.” I
literally jumped back when I read that. The god of ME? I can’t possibly
struggle with that, that can’t be the problem…can it?
When I started to really think
about why I get so upset with people, with situations, with my kids… I slowly
began to realize that I am far more self-centered than I thought. When my kids don’t say thank you for something
I have gone out of my way to do for them, why does that bother me so much?
Well, because I want the recognition and appreciation for doing something for
them. Why does it bother me so much when people are in my way on the road? Because
they are causing ME to be late or in some way inconveniencing ME. Why do the thoughts and opinions of others
about me matter so much? Because I want them to like ME, I want them to think
highly of ME. When I do something for someone, it actually bothers me when they
don’t show any appreciation for it…because deep down I want that
acknowledgment, I want that praise and affirmation. Here I thought all along that
I truly loved people, that I loved God, but deep down I am battling with loving
myself more. If this weren’t true, none of these things would bother me because
I would be doing them purely out of a heart of love. How ugly my heart really
is in light of this discovery. Who wants to hear that about themselves? I would
much rather deal with the god of food, or the god of entertainment…but the god
of me? That’s probably the foulest one of all.
As I have been pondering this awareness,
I am overwhelmed and yet completely humbled. Sometimes we see the lives of
others and think we aren’t so bad. Sure, we recognize that we are sinners, but
our lives are over all “pretty good”. We can’t resonate with those who have
been to the absolute pits in life, who have seen and done things unimaginable. I
have said before that it is almost
harder in a sense for those who have not been in such broken and dark places
because we fail to see just how sinful we truly are before a holy God. The fact
that deep down I am in pursuit of what makes ME happy reveals that I am committing
a very grave sin in the eyes of my Father. Christ summed up the commandments
with two statements, to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your
soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” And “to love your
neighbor as yourself.” But guess what, the fact that in my heart I am pursuing
my own happiness and glory breaks both of those commands…and that is a hard
truth to swallow. I know God will tear
this idol down, and I can’t wait for Him to do it so that He can continue to
empty my life of ME and fill it more with HIM. One statement Kyle made in his
book will be my focus today, and every day, until God destroys this god in my
life. He says: “The foundation of reality is that there is one God, and you are
not Him. Once that’s established, a choice must be made, and here it is: I know
that there is the Lord God, the master of all creation. I also know there’s the
god of me, the pretender to the throne. Whom will I serve?” He further states that the god me is the most
relentless idol of them all… but my God is bigger and I know He will be found
victorious in this battle. He already is. J
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Our Story
Last night Dave met up with an old buddy from high school. Sadly, his friend is going through an
extremely difficult time in his life right now. We were getting ready to go to
bed and Dave was sharing a bit of their conversation with me. At one point he
said that his friend expressed, “Dave, I have no idea what love is. I want what
you and Corinna have.” Referring in part to the way we ended up getting married,
Dave asked, “Well, what is it you saw when that happened?” His friend replied
with,“ I saw two people really in love who just happened to get pregnant, and
then got married.” It sounds nice, but it
is very far from the truth of what actually took place 7 years ago. This is
also not the first time I have heard of someone viewing our situation in a
romanticized light. Dave took a few minutes to explain to his friend that that
is not quite what happened, and shared some of our story with him, to much of
his surprise. In the end however, it was an encouragement to him and he could
resonate with the battle Dave had experienced during that time. I immediately
thought of the verse, “And we know that in all things, God works for the good
of those who love Him.” (Romans 8:28) We chose sin, but despite our decisions
to disobey God, in the end He still had a purpose for our story. I believe it
can be used to encourage others who may have or who currently are experiencing
similar situations. Struck last night with the reality that many are completely
unaware of our situation, I felt it was time to share some of the unknown
details of the time God so graciously brought us through.
We had a very, and I mean VERY, rocky dating relationship. Without
getting too long winded, we were both uprooted from the places we had grown up
in and transferred to a brand new town and a brand new school, he in his junior
year of high school, me in my senior year. Neither of us was too happy about
the move, both of us desperately wanted to go back home and be with the friends
we had left. By God’s grace, Dave and I met in September of our first year at
LCA, and it was an immediate connection. He “asked me out” a month later, on
October 4th 2003, and the first month was perfect. We were so “in
love” we were already joking about our future marriage and kids together.
However, two key factors made our relationship extremely rocky: the first was
the girl he left behind in Pennsylvania, and the second was our raging teenage
hormones. I think I was dumped for his ex-girlfriend about 50 different times. He
had had very little communication with this girl since he’d moved, but he just
could not shake his feelings for her, feelings which he later admitted were fanaticized
and pure infatuation. However, at the time, he truly thought he loved her. That
is a whole story in itself, but we will simply leave it at the fact that I
battled for his love with a girl that was several hundred miles away and completely
out of the picture. It was infuriating to say the least. We would break up
every couple of weeks either over that, or over the fact that we were
completely powerless when it came to our physical relationship. I however, was
so in love with this boy that I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life
with him, and I knew marriage would solve our problem one day. He however, was
not so sure of his feelings for me. He spent two and a half years telling me
one week he was in love with me and couldn’t live without me, and the next week
he would say he only cared for me as a friend and didn’t see us ending up
together. To say both our hearts were a wreck for that time in our lives is a
dramatic understatement. We tried moving on time and time again, dating other
people, avoiding phone calls, etc. But we just couldn’t stay away from each
other, something kept pulling us back together.
The night of June 7th, 2006, we took our physical
relationship to the next level and made the stupid decision to finally sleep
together. This was our first time actually having sex…how we waited that long
could only be explained by pure fear of getting pregnant, (which proved to be a
valid fear after all).
The next day we met up and had a huge fight. Now, you have
to understand that when Dave was upset or scared, he used to get pretty mean. I heard things that day like, “I wish I had
never met you.” “I wish you had never moved here.” “I never loved you.” Etc.
etc. etc… He told me he never wanted to see me again, and even went as far as
to say he was going to move to Peru just to get away from me. (In his defense,
he was just heartbroken that he had disobeyed the Lord and he was scared of the
consequences). I got out of that car, went home, packed up my stuff and
attempted to leave. Where, I had no idea, so I headed to PA where my best
friend was. I made it about half way and realized there was no way I could deal
with all that was going on without my mom. She was, and is still, my best
friend. So I turned around, and waited out what had to be the longest two weeks
of my life, wondering if I was pregnant because of our stupidity. The day I
took the tests just so happened to be Father’s Day, how funny is that? J Dave was working at
Golden Corral at the time as an assistant manager. I woke up at about 6 in the
morning and took the tests. Immediate positive results. I was in complete
shock. First and only time having sex, and I get pregnant. Are you kidding me?
I know people who have been having sex for years and never got pregnant, what
the heck happened here?!We would later discover it was God that happened.
I called Dave at work and told him the news, and to my
surprise, he was actually kind of excited. I know…he went from telling me he
wanted nothing to do with me to being ok with the fact that he was now going to
be a father. (We used to accuse Dave of being bipolar… he may be, only God knows
LOL.) We then had to tell the families…not easy and not the best memory in my
life. Then came the decision of what to do next. He said we needed to get
married, but he was also still convinced he didn’t love me, just what every
girl dreams of, right? A man to marry her out of duty, not love, while still
convinced he loved a girl 300 miles away. So what did I do? Well I married him.
This can also only be explained by the power of God, because I am probably the
most spiteful individual I know and in any other situation I would have stuck
it to him…heck, I am surprised I even told him about the pregnancy to be
honest, I was that spiteful back then. (still working on that even to this day
:P) So a month later, on July 6, 2006, we got married at the Justice of Peace.
I woke up on my wedding day, and wouldn’t ya know , I
experienced my first bout of morning sickness. IT. WAS. AWFUL. I felt sick the whole time I was getting
ready, the whole “ceremony”, and yes, even our first night together. Not what
every girl dreams of at all.
The first year of our marriage was both smoother than we
expected, but also very tough in many ways. He was working 7 to 9 days straight
with no break, many nights until 12 or 1 in the morning. I was waiting tables,
through morning sickness and my swelling stomach, and we were slowly trying to figure
out this marriage thing. Thankfully, we
had spent almost 3 years fighting so the butting heads thing and “rubbing” had already
taken place. What we now needed to learn
was HOW to fight. This took several years to master. When he used to walk away,
I would pull his shirt and yell at him to come back and work it out. Not the
best solution for his personality. He needed time to cool off, think things
over, and regroup. He would become very cynical and cruel when he was angry and
say things he didn’t really mean, also not good for MY personality. When he got
mean, I got spiteful. We fought ugly to say the least. I didn’t like to be confronted
and I especially didn’t like to be told what to do. My slogan at the time
should have been the whole, “I am woman, hear me roar!” We went through some
scary times, with many broken doors with holes punched through them, broken
household items, and a whole heck of a lot of yelling. I have since learned the
beauty of submission…still mastering it, but God has brought me a LONG way. He
has since learned how to control his anger in the moment, and I have learned to
let him walk away before confronting the issue. I have also learned to keep my
mouth shut and lay my spitefulness at the cross…. It is an ugly habit and a
tough one to break, but it makes a world of difference in your relationship! He
has spent the last 7 years trying to make up for the 3 hellish years we dated.
He can say without a shadow of a doubt he loves me unconditionally now, more
than ever. He can say without any hesitation that he did in fact love me then,
he just didn’t know what love was. We regret our decisions to this day, though
through them God brought us our beautiful baby girl and we were forced to get
married, which ended up being the best thing that could have happened to us. I
never got my wedding day. I never had my mom help me get ready, my dad walk me
down the aisle or dance with me to Butterfly Kisses like I had always planned.
I never got to walk towards the glowing man of my dreams as we made the
decision to spend the rest of our lives together. I missed out on all the fun
of planning my dream wedding, on having all our family and friends come together
to celebrate our future together. (Our families were less than thrilled on our
wedding day to say the least. ) The worst part of it was I married the man I
wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but at the time, he swore he was not
in love with me. No woman wants to go into her marriage that way. It’s a heartbreaking
thing to look back on, even though we have since come a very long way. We have
had people ask us so many times questions like, “where’d you get married?” “Where
was your honeymoon?” “How did Dave propose?” Always so awkward to answer, let
me tell you! ;) I have had to deal with those puzzled looks when we get
questions like, “What were the happiest days of your life?” and so many answer “My
wedding day!” as one of their top 3 picks. Never once has that been an answer,
or even in the top 5, and most are often caught off guard by this. (But now you
know why! :) )
The best is when I get the random questions about how we ended up getting
married, and some are pretty bold with it. I remember sitting in Macado’s one
day, about a month or two after we got married and I had a student from LCA
lean over from her table and say, “So when are you due?” When you live in a small town, and go to a
Christian school, there are no secrets, I quickly learned this. I recently had
a woman I barely know say amidst a conversation about honeymoons, “so where was
your honeymoon?” I replied that we didn’t have one, and she said, “OH that’s
right, you were expecting someone weren’t you!” Can we say, AWKWARD!( I also
have gotten a lot of criticism and hurtful comments based on my past decisions,
even as far as people questioning the authenticity of my faith. Both ends of
the spectrum have been tough to deal with over the years.)
Most of you know the details that have made our
journey even tougher…the financial difficulties we have always faced because we
didn’t finish our degrees before becoming parents, trying to finish those
degrees WHILE being parents, the job transitions, etc.etc…Despite all this, I
am very thankful in many ways that things happened as they did. They forced me
to be humble. It reminded me that we are broken and rebellious, but that God
loves us anyways. He, in His incredible mercy, allowed good to come out of our
disobedience, though we deserved none of it. Only a loving Father would allow
that. The relationship Dave and I have now is, and continues to grow to be,
such an amazing bond built on love, sacrifice and selflessness. We are learning
more every day what it means to “submit to one another in love”. (Ephesians
5:21) IT took a long time for me to let go of the hurt I had experienced early
on and to truly forgive him. Many times I cruelly used the past against him in
the present, when he had already sought my forgiveness. I can say without a
doubt now that I have forgiven him, and he has forgiven me, and we are above
all forgive by our Creator. We experienced a lot of unnecessary hurt, anger,
and pain because of our choice to live outside of God’s will, and though He
brought us through it, it was not what some believe to have been an easy
journey. And it will continue to be difficult. I do have to say, that though I did not get my proposal in the beginning, it did come eventually. Last year, my sweet husband planned a weekend get-away for us. On the first night, upon returning to our hotel, he had me wait in the car while he went up to “prepare something”. When he called me up, I walked in to a room full of candles and rose petals. He got on his knees, read me the most incredible letter I will ever read, and pulled out a diamond engagement ring that he had privately saved up for for over a year. (money which I recently found out his friends had told him to spend on a gun instead… thanks guys! Lol) He then asked me to be his wife. Of course I had no choice, I already was and we had four kids together… juuuust kidding. :) It was one of the most beautiful moments in my life, and am so blessed to be his wife. So this is the true story of how we came to be married. Not the smooth, Hollywood transition so many thought. It came with many tears, lots of pain, and whole heck of a lot of Divine healing. But we are here, we are blessed, and we are more in love than ever. God. Is. Good.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Step one - Preparing
Well the first night of training went really well. She, (the lady in charge), gave countless examples of different situations her foster parents have been faced with, which for the most part put me even more at ease with everything. The next obstacle we are facing is the immediate financial strain preparing for this will put on us. We need a bigger van, and when I say bigger, I mean like a 8 to 10 passenger. Can you imagine me driving around in one of those? I can barely park my van now LOL...it should be interesting. But with the daycare kiddos, my kiddos, AND foster children.... a bigger van is necessary. Apart from that, there are things that need to be done around the house in preparation, first thing being a new set of beds for our boys. Ah money, it is such a pain in my rear. :P It's all pretty exciting though! The kids are just as excited, if not more. They are thrilled to be able to help other kids. It's beautiful to see their hearts so willing to serve and open up our home to more kids, that's not always the case. :) I guess it helps that they have grown up in a home where there are ALWAYS extra kids! I really believe God allowed for me to grow in patience and endurance over the past 6 years with babysitting and motherhood, preparing me for the day we were able to do this. (among other reasons!) We were the only couple there that already had kids... 4 at that. They must think we are nuts LOL It was neat hearing the stories she had though, there were several other foster parents that had at least 4 children of their own before they started fostering, there was even one couple with 7 kids of their own! (they are also driving around in a HUGE van!)
The first story she shared with us was one of a little 11 month old baby girl, who through the poor lifestyle choices of her mother, suffered from an amputated leg, blindness, and from the looks of it, possibly MR. They are currently looking for a home for her, and let me tell you, I wished so badly we were done training so we could take her! They said when she was born that she wouldn't live, but that little fighter is proving them wrong. I know with the love of a family and the healing hands of God, she can thrive and grow just like anyone else. I am praying they find her a great home!
Anyways, not a whole lot to say except that we are PATIENTLY waiting for God to bring everything into fruition, in His perfect timing. I know He will provide us with just what we need when we need it. Until then, they gave us a huge book to study, you know, in our spare time. ;) Maybe I will learn some good parenting tactics through it all even for my own kids! But for today, I have 5 crazy kids in my house right now and its time to go figure out what we are gonna do with our day! Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday!! :)
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Phil. 4:6-7
The first story she shared with us was one of a little 11 month old baby girl, who through the poor lifestyle choices of her mother, suffered from an amputated leg, blindness, and from the looks of it, possibly MR. They are currently looking for a home for her, and let me tell you, I wished so badly we were done training so we could take her! They said when she was born that she wouldn't live, but that little fighter is proving them wrong. I know with the love of a family and the healing hands of God, she can thrive and grow just like anyone else. I am praying they find her a great home!
Anyways, not a whole lot to say except that we are PATIENTLY waiting for God to bring everything into fruition, in His perfect timing. I know He will provide us with just what we need when we need it. Until then, they gave us a huge book to study, you know, in our spare time. ;) Maybe I will learn some good parenting tactics through it all even for my own kids! But for today, I have 5 crazy kids in my house right now and its time to go figure out what we are gonna do with our day! Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday!! :)
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Phil. 4:6-7
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Our Newest Journey Begins...
So tonight is the first night of training in our quest to become foster parents. Trying to let that sink it, this is actually happening! Finally, after dreaming of it for 12 years, its now a reality. I found myself starting to become very anxious and overwhelmed with it all this morning. Looking around, seeing where Hayden had dumped a bag of toys all over the laundry room, papers and markers scattered all over my kitchen table, the sink and counters piled high with dirty dishes, a trail of crayons and markers down the hall way from the little ones emptying a crate of them... yesterday was spent in a constant state of stress and irritability because my house had four days worth of filth/mess/clothes that needed to be taken care of, my kids were literally up my butt all morning, and I had a two hour exam I needed to take that I hadn't studied for. On top of it all, Dave ended up tearing his chest muscle on Friday night, and we discovered yesterday morning that it was worse than we had hoped and he would be down for a while. Between the emotional and physical defeat he is feeling through it all, we are also faced with a large financial strain as a result of all the doctor bills. I stood in my kitchen, washing my endless dishes, thinking, "God, what is going on? This is what you placed on my heart to do right? This is the next step in our lives, to open our home to children who need our love, who need YOUR love, to give them some shelter in the midst of their broken little lives. Why on earth is everything spiraling out of control right when its all starting to come to fruition?"
I often think of Katie now, from the book I had recently read (Kisses From Katie), and the fact that she is a 22 year old girl and the mother of 14 orphaned children. She has no luxuries like a dishwasher, a washer and dryer, or even a store that is 2 minutes away. Her number of children is more than triple mine, and her work load is far beyond my comprehension. Yet she does it with such joy and grace, she trusts in God's ability to do it all, because even though WE can't, He can. I find her life, her story, so encouraging and inspiring in the midst of all the craziness I experience on a daily basis. When she came to a point where she said "God, NO MORE, I can't handle anymore. Not now." God responded with, "yes you can, and here is another child that I want you to love. Here is another person I want you to reach out to." And she did it, and He was sufficient in His grace as promised. I rest in this truth... because I know in my own strength, in my own power, I am completely helpless and unable to do anymore, to take on anymore, to reach out anymore. But God has been tugging on my heart for years now to open my arms to "the least of these." To set aside my needs, my wants, and my time...no matter how hard, so we can let Him work through us and comfort the aching hearts of those He places in our lives. There will never be a more perfect time than now. Things will never perfectly fall into place, or slow down to just the right pace... life here isn't meant to be easy or perfect, it is not our home. And while we are here, we are given one great command, to LOVE. To let our lives reflect our Savior.
Today I will fail miserably as a mother... I will yell at my kids, I will lost my patience, I will get frustrated and overwhelmed, and at times feel completely defeated. But praise God, He is so much bigger than me, and He uses imperfect people such as myself to reach a dying world. When I feel like the worst mother alive, I know that though I am far from perfect, my kids always know I love them, always know I am here for them no matter what, and they know that they are safe because God has given us this amazing gift called family, and I cannot wait to let others be a part of our crazy, imperfect, obnoxious family.
I often think of Katie now, from the book I had recently read (Kisses From Katie), and the fact that she is a 22 year old girl and the mother of 14 orphaned children. She has no luxuries like a dishwasher, a washer and dryer, or even a store that is 2 minutes away. Her number of children is more than triple mine, and her work load is far beyond my comprehension. Yet she does it with such joy and grace, she trusts in God's ability to do it all, because even though WE can't, He can. I find her life, her story, so encouraging and inspiring in the midst of all the craziness I experience on a daily basis. When she came to a point where she said "God, NO MORE, I can't handle anymore. Not now." God responded with, "yes you can, and here is another child that I want you to love. Here is another person I want you to reach out to." And she did it, and He was sufficient in His grace as promised. I rest in this truth... because I know in my own strength, in my own power, I am completely helpless and unable to do anymore, to take on anymore, to reach out anymore. But God has been tugging on my heart for years now to open my arms to "the least of these." To set aside my needs, my wants, and my time...no matter how hard, so we can let Him work through us and comfort the aching hearts of those He places in our lives. There will never be a more perfect time than now. Things will never perfectly fall into place, or slow down to just the right pace... life here isn't meant to be easy or perfect, it is not our home. And while we are here, we are given one great command, to LOVE. To let our lives reflect our Savior.
Today I will fail miserably as a mother... I will yell at my kids, I will lost my patience, I will get frustrated and overwhelmed, and at times feel completely defeated. But praise God, He is so much bigger than me, and He uses imperfect people such as myself to reach a dying world. When I feel like the worst mother alive, I know that though I am far from perfect, my kids always know I love them, always know I am here for them no matter what, and they know that they are safe because God has given us this amazing gift called family, and I cannot wait to let others be a part of our crazy, imperfect, obnoxious family.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
A Letter to My Mom
To My Amazing Mother and Friend,
Where do I begin? Over the years I
have expressed to you in small detail just how much I appreciate, admire, and
adore you. I don’t think there will ever be a way I can fully express my
feelings but I am going to try my best!
You have been my rock from day one.
You were always compassionate, caring, and patient no matter the circumstance.
When I was little, you were there to encourage me when I was hurt and kiss my
cuts and bruises. (You were always patient with my blood curdling screaming
over the sight of blood…something I am
now IMPATIENTLY experiencing with my own
daughter! J )
When my friends would leave me alone at the playground, make fun of the way I
looked, or make me feel insecure, you were always there. When I was in my
awkward tween years figuring out who I was, trying to find my place socially, and
entering the intimidating world of middle school, you were always there. When I
went to high school and faced the hardest years of my life thus far, with the
peer pressure, the cattiness, the heartbreak, and the failures, you were always
there. You have been there every step of the way, encouraging me, reminding me
that I am “Fearfully and wonderfully made”, and showing me unconditional love
in a very conditional world. No matter what I faced outside of my home, I knew
I had love and security as soon as I returned. You and Daddy provided such a
strong foundation for all of us, and as I have grown up I realize just how
incredibly blessed we were to have that.
When I made mistakes you never judged, got upset, or made me
feel ashamed. You opened your arms and ears and allowed for my inadequacies and
poor choices, offering encouragement and a fountain of wisdom over the years
that was key to keeping me afloat when I would have otherwise “gone under” and
followed the world. To this day, you are my one friend that I can always turn to
and share my hurts, frustrations, and joys with. I know I probably annoy you
most days, but you never turn down a phone call from me, never act too busy to
hear me even in the simplest of complaints. You are honest with me, even when
it hurts, and because of you I continue to mature and grow as an adult and even
more so in my faith.
You have always modeled such an incredible example of love,
selflessness, patience, strength and courage. I have never seen someone endure
so many heart aches and yet still remain so faithful and sacrificial towards
those around her. Even at your weakest points, while enduring two bouts with
cancer, feeling constantly sick, exhausted, and undoubtedly discouraged… you
never let it show. You stayed strong and put all of us first, taking care of
our needs over your own. To this day I
wish God would have allowed all of that to happen when I was older so I could
have been more aware of what you were going through and less selfish about my
own needs. When most would have given up, you instead turned back to God and
allowed Him to use you in mighty ways with those around you. He is still
continuing to use you. Like Paul, He just doesn’t seem to want to remove that
“thorn “ in your side, and even though I know there are many days you feel
overwhelmed, exhausted, and discouraged, you STILL focus on the needs of those
around you over yourself. You choose to listen rather than talk (even when you
should!), you choose to serve even when the pain is unbearable, you choose to
show joy even when the king of this world gives you every reason to give up.
You my amazing mother, are the best example I have ever known of what it means
to follow Christ, to die to self, and to live a life of love in obedience to
our Awesome God.
When I think of whom I want to be for my kids, I strive to
be like you. If I can be even half the mother (and wife) you have been to us, I
will be satisfied. I pray I model the same faithfulness, strength and virtue
that you have shown us our entire lives. You are an incredible wife, mother,
sister and friend. Now that I am old enough, and now that I know you OH so
well, I pray God can use me to encourage you, support you, and lift you up like
you have done for me over the past 27 years. It’s my turn to serve you Mama,
and whether you like it or not, you will let me. Thank you for all you have
done and continue to do. Thank you for modeling such an incredible example and
never giving up on any of us! You are not only my mother, but my best friend and
sister in Christ, and I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. I
hope you know how much I love you!! Happy Mother’s Day to the most amazing
mother a girl could as for! I love you!!!
Cori
Friday, April 5, 2013
"Snarky Mom"
Oh the library... how I have come to LOATHE that place. I only go maybe once a month because it is such an ordeal! I can never just take my two big kids, I always have at least 5 kids with me, 3 of which are under the age of 3. So I do it, because dangit, my kids need to read! Ironically, last Friday I was praising my kids for their awesome behavior all day, and so were others. But today, my two youngest were just having one of those days. We all have them, when we are extra irritable and ornery. We get away with it because we know how to verbally make light out of the emotions we feel. (well, some of us do...) children however, have not developed this technique yet so they just turn into big fat royal BRATS. So here's the story for the day:
First thing that happens when we get out of the car is Landon opening the side door of the van next to us. It was one of those automatic doors that opened itself once you pulled the handle. So I scolded him and tried to shut it...it wouldn't shut...i pulled from the outside, then the inside and it was stuck. Dang these new fancy vans with all their high tech features! So I was forced to leave it open.
I have 5 kids, my 4 and Gabriel who is in his carrier. I am lugging him, holding two bags and grabbing the hood of Hayden's jacket as we make our way across the parking lot. My kids love pressing the handicap buttons to open the doors, so they did...about 6 times. The door closed on me before I got to it, so I had to figure out a way to press it again since my big kids were long gone. Meanwhile, Hayden is looking everywhere but in front of her, so the second door knocks her in the face as it closes. The librarians got a good laugh out of that. The kids immediately go to the computers, of course, but there are only 2 available. Ugh. So Landon starts complaining "I want a tuuuuurn!! Mama, I want a tuuuuurn!" Praise the Lord, a computer opened up and he grabbed it. I set Gabriel down and he starts crying...loudly. I try rocking him because he is exhausted at this point and fighting sleep. So I kneel by his car seat and attempt to rock him to sleep. I was daydreaming apparently because my subconscious heard Landon saying "Mommy, I can't do it! Mommmmmmy, I can't do it!!!" But I didn't respond. The lady across from me,we will call her "perfect mom", meets my eyes and says with a smile, "is he yours?" in other words, get off your tail and go help your kid. But I just replied, "yep." and kept rocking the baby. Lady, clearly I am ignoring my child, leave me to my daydreams and focus on your perfect parenting please.
Finally Gabriel is quiet, so I then walk over to Landon. You want to know why I was in no rush to help him? Because I have told him the past 5 trips to the Library that he isn't ready to play those games, he can't quite figure them out... so rather than play them he does what he did today. He yells, gets ticked off, has me try another game, gets ticked off again, moves to another computer, tries another game there, gets ticked off again, and so on. With each attempt Hayden is behind me bullying this little boy. Yes, she was bullying, because she is the baby sister of 3 other siblings who beat the crap out of her daily and a daycare kiddo that continually antagonizes her. Also because, GASP! SHE IS A BABY! I know, that's a shocker isn't it? So I am trying to referee her and this little boy, and Landon is behind me beating the keyboard with the computer mouse. I leave Hayden and discipline him, in which time Hayden managed to pull the seat out from the little boy, causing him to fall to the ground. Told you my kids were in some kind of mood today.
At this point, Gabriel was crying again, of course! So after Hayden finished her time out (because HEAVEN FORBID I spank my children in public!) I made her go apologize to the little boy and "perfect mom" was all nice and forgiving, because that's how perfect mom's are. THIS mom is not perfect, and I was done with the library. So I rounded up my herd...all but my disobedient 3 year old who refused to leave the computer, and we went to pick out books/movies and leave. while looking for books Hayden starts pulling them all of the shelves. As Kyleigh and I keep trying to put them back and get her to stop, I hear yelling, which turned in to screaming and then some banging and a small crash. Yes, we all know it was MY child. So I went over to see what world ending catastrophe had occurred, and see the keyboard and mouse were on the ground. ("Quiet Mom" just blankly stared at me and then back at Landon.... good job quiet mom, hide those judgmental thoughts from your face, today is not the day to mess with me). I then smack his butt, and tell him to come with me. He walks in the other direction. I leave him there. Hey, it wasn't near the doors, he had no means of escape. I grab the other kids, and our books and take them to get their movies. Hayden again starts pulling them off the shelves, and I attempt to clean it up. A librarian comes over and says "just put them on the shelf over there so I can put them away." No, she did not say this nicely other wise I would have appreciated it. She said it in the annoyed, "You suck as a parent" tone. We get our movies and head to the check out counter, but I can't seem to find Landon. I search and search and lo and behold, he is hiding behind a pole playing with the baskets. "Let's go Landon." He stares and stomps his feet in defiance. I repeat, he throws himself to the ground and yells. I go to pick him up, and he starts screaming. So, i picked him up, picked up the 300 lb carrier (because that's how those dang things feel!) and make my way with 5 kids, 2 bags, and a basket of books, to the bathroom for a spanking...at that point I didn't care if they called social services. And wouldn't you know, the spanking worked. Well... for a little while.
We go to check out and the librarian says, "your card has expired and you have a $5 charge for a book because of water damage." I wanted to throw my basket of books at her. The whole issue with the book is another story that I frankly don't care to share now, but lets just say I don't believe that was us but I wasn't going to start an argument over 5 dollars... I would sacrifice a Starbucks just to get out of this hell on earth. As I am paying, Landon starts screaming and crying because D.J. is "touching" him. they start running in circles fighting, until Landon finally goes out one of the doors and plops himself on the ground....right in front of the doorway, so everyone is stepping over him or staring at him as they try and get in. The lady at the desk was super sweet and just told me to go ahead and take care of it while she got the books ready. (the whole time we were up there she was comforting me with comments about how kids will be kids) I grab him, lecture him, and bring him back to the desk... with a line of old people staring at me... you guessed it...with those judgmental daggers they call eyes. We walked back to the van and that door was still open...I tried again but couldn't get it. I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping it was "perfect mom's" van, but she had left already...darn. We then leave and as I pulled into the driveway, I turned around and said. "Kyleigh and D.J. you two were awesome and I am super proud of you, but if any of you talk to me in the next 10 minutes, I will lock you in your rooms for the rest of the day. Go play, I'll make lunch, and I don't want to hear any questions, yes ma'am?" "YES MA'AM!" they replied in unison...Landon got sent to his room and I chugged a bottle of wine...jk jk...but I dreamed about it.
First thing that happens when we get out of the car is Landon opening the side door of the van next to us. It was one of those automatic doors that opened itself once you pulled the handle. So I scolded him and tried to shut it...it wouldn't shut...i pulled from the outside, then the inside and it was stuck. Dang these new fancy vans with all their high tech features! So I was forced to leave it open.
I have 5 kids, my 4 and Gabriel who is in his carrier. I am lugging him, holding two bags and grabbing the hood of Hayden's jacket as we make our way across the parking lot. My kids love pressing the handicap buttons to open the doors, so they did...about 6 times. The door closed on me before I got to it, so I had to figure out a way to press it again since my big kids were long gone. Meanwhile, Hayden is looking everywhere but in front of her, so the second door knocks her in the face as it closes. The librarians got a good laugh out of that. The kids immediately go to the computers, of course, but there are only 2 available. Ugh. So Landon starts complaining "I want a tuuuuurn!! Mama, I want a tuuuuurn!" Praise the Lord, a computer opened up and he grabbed it. I set Gabriel down and he starts crying...loudly. I try rocking him because he is exhausted at this point and fighting sleep. So I kneel by his car seat and attempt to rock him to sleep. I was daydreaming apparently because my subconscious heard Landon saying "Mommy, I can't do it! Mommmmmmy, I can't do it!!!" But I didn't respond. The lady across from me,we will call her "perfect mom", meets my eyes and says with a smile, "is he yours?" in other words, get off your tail and go help your kid. But I just replied, "yep." and kept rocking the baby. Lady, clearly I am ignoring my child, leave me to my daydreams and focus on your perfect parenting please.
Finally Gabriel is quiet, so I then walk over to Landon. You want to know why I was in no rush to help him? Because I have told him the past 5 trips to the Library that he isn't ready to play those games, he can't quite figure them out... so rather than play them he does what he did today. He yells, gets ticked off, has me try another game, gets ticked off again, moves to another computer, tries another game there, gets ticked off again, and so on. With each attempt Hayden is behind me bullying this little boy. Yes, she was bullying, because she is the baby sister of 3 other siblings who beat the crap out of her daily and a daycare kiddo that continually antagonizes her. Also because, GASP! SHE IS A BABY! I know, that's a shocker isn't it? So I am trying to referee her and this little boy, and Landon is behind me beating the keyboard with the computer mouse. I leave Hayden and discipline him, in which time Hayden managed to pull the seat out from the little boy, causing him to fall to the ground. Told you my kids were in some kind of mood today.
At this point, Gabriel was crying again, of course! So after Hayden finished her time out (because HEAVEN FORBID I spank my children in public!) I made her go apologize to the little boy and "perfect mom" was all nice and forgiving, because that's how perfect mom's are. THIS mom is not perfect, and I was done with the library. So I rounded up my herd...all but my disobedient 3 year old who refused to leave the computer, and we went to pick out books/movies and leave. while looking for books Hayden starts pulling them all of the shelves. As Kyleigh and I keep trying to put them back and get her to stop, I hear yelling, which turned in to screaming and then some banging and a small crash. Yes, we all know it was MY child. So I went over to see what world ending catastrophe had occurred, and see the keyboard and mouse were on the ground. ("Quiet Mom" just blankly stared at me and then back at Landon.... good job quiet mom, hide those judgmental thoughts from your face, today is not the day to mess with me). I then smack his butt, and tell him to come with me. He walks in the other direction. I leave him there. Hey, it wasn't near the doors, he had no means of escape. I grab the other kids, and our books and take them to get their movies. Hayden again starts pulling them off the shelves, and I attempt to clean it up. A librarian comes over and says "just put them on the shelf over there so I can put them away." No, she did not say this nicely other wise I would have appreciated it. She said it in the annoyed, "You suck as a parent" tone. We get our movies and head to the check out counter, but I can't seem to find Landon. I search and search and lo and behold, he is hiding behind a pole playing with the baskets. "Let's go Landon." He stares and stomps his feet in defiance. I repeat, he throws himself to the ground and yells. I go to pick him up, and he starts screaming. So, i picked him up, picked up the 300 lb carrier (because that's how those dang things feel!) and make my way with 5 kids, 2 bags, and a basket of books, to the bathroom for a spanking...at that point I didn't care if they called social services. And wouldn't you know, the spanking worked. Well... for a little while.
We go to check out and the librarian says, "your card has expired and you have a $5 charge for a book because of water damage." I wanted to throw my basket of books at her. The whole issue with the book is another story that I frankly don't care to share now, but lets just say I don't believe that was us but I wasn't going to start an argument over 5 dollars... I would sacrifice a Starbucks just to get out of this hell on earth. As I am paying, Landon starts screaming and crying because D.J. is "touching" him. they start running in circles fighting, until Landon finally goes out one of the doors and plops himself on the ground....right in front of the doorway, so everyone is stepping over him or staring at him as they try and get in. The lady at the desk was super sweet and just told me to go ahead and take care of it while she got the books ready. (the whole time we were up there she was comforting me with comments about how kids will be kids) I grab him, lecture him, and bring him back to the desk... with a line of old people staring at me... you guessed it...with those judgmental daggers they call eyes. We walked back to the van and that door was still open...I tried again but couldn't get it. I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping it was "perfect mom's" van, but she had left already...darn. We then leave and as I pulled into the driveway, I turned around and said. "Kyleigh and D.J. you two were awesome and I am super proud of you, but if any of you talk to me in the next 10 minutes, I will lock you in your rooms for the rest of the day. Go play, I'll make lunch, and I don't want to hear any questions, yes ma'am?" "YES MA'AM!" they replied in unison...Landon got sent to his room and I chugged a bottle of wine...jk jk...but I dreamed about it.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Not MY right, but What IS right.
My mind has been racing all day as a result of all the "Red"(Marriage Equality) and its opposition flooding my Newsfeed. The one topic I really struggle with, not because I in anyway agree, but because I am so torn as to how we as Christians should be responding. At one time I firmly believed we were called to be BOLD and expressive about our views about homosexuality and all sin alike, not matter the cost. And to an extent this is true. I think the point we all need to start with is that we keep shouting "IT'S OUR RIGHT!" But in saying this, we are missing the real point, and that has nothing to do with MY rights, but with what IS right. For those who do not claim faith in Christ, what God's word says means nothing to you and you obviously live by a very different standard. But for those of us who do claim the name of Christ, we are also claiming that we believe in the Word of God and that it is our source of morality and truth. Most of us however, have a very skewed view of what that truth is. We pull the Scriptures that we like and build upon those, completely neglecting the Word as a whole. But in claiming one part as truth, you must claim it all. For "ALL Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness," -2 Timothy 3:!6 With that said, lets take a look at what God's word says about the topic of Homosexuality.
Before you jump down my throat, I also want to add a few more points. Immediately, when all of this started popping up on my page, I thought of the story of Jesus and the Adulterous woman. We are called to, "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus" - Philippians 2:5...look at his response to the woman who should have been stoned for her "crimes" in John 8:2-11
"At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap,in order to have a basis for accusing him.
Leviticus 18:22 : "Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable."
1 Corinthians 6:9 : "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."
Ok, so we have shown that God's word clearly states homosexuality is sin, correct? Let me address the main argument I hear most often against these two scriptures:
"If the Old Testament still applies, then those who have sex or get pregnant outside of marriage, eat meat, work on the Sabbath, etc,,etc,,, are all just as guilty and deserving of death." (see the book of Leviticus)
This is true, we are ALL guilty of breaking the laws of the Old Testament... and I mean ALL OF US. I myself, according to the laws of Leviticus, should have been stoned to death. What we are missing however, is that Christ died so that we would be free from the penalty of our sin, death. He paid the ultimate price, knowing we were unable to keep the law ourselves. So where we all deserve death, Christ died for us so that we may live. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 2:24
So what does this mean, that the law no longer applies since Christ fulfilled it? Paul says in Romans 3:19-31,
"Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin." But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. Because of what law? The law that requires works? No, because of the law that requires faith. For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law. Or is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too, since there is only one God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through that same faith. Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law."
So, the law is in place to show us our sin, to help guide us to live a holy life. YES, we will sin because we are by nature sinful, but we do not continue purposely in sin just because Christ has made us (Believers) blameless before God. We are still called to uphold the Law.
"At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap,in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,”Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Does He condemn her? No. But does He tell her to continue living in her sin? No, he says "Go and leave your life of sin."
Romans 12:17-19 says "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "it is mine to avenge: I will repay," says the Lord.
We are called to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." And we are to do this in Love, the love described in 1 Corinthians 13,
We are called to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." And we are to do this in Love, the love described in 1 Corinthians 13,
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
I know this is lengthy, but most people form their opinions and label them "beliefs", but if we believe in Christ then we need to know what we believe, and that can only be known by reading His Word. Something I have definitely learned the hard way is that we as Christians are called to share God's truth, but it is not on us to change people. We cannot force people to change, only God can bring about a change in someone's heart.
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