I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and attempt to sum up my
take on 2015 for me personally, in as few words as possible because this has
been a heck of a year for me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It is no
surprise that the final two books I have read in the year 2015 were The End of
Me by Kyle Idleman and I am currently finishing up Jen Hatmaker's book
"Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks Your Comfortable Christianity". I
thrive on reading, it feeds me in every way possible. God has used amazing
authors (apart from His Word) to fill me, fuel me, and completely turn my life
upside down. I am more than half way through Hatmaker's book and I feel like I
am reading my own words to describe God's work in my life this year. She
labeled her own journey as the "descent down". While society tells us
we are supposed to make our way to the top, to be successful, to strive for
better and greater, Jesus calls His people to live in complete opposition to
the cultural norm. And He has spent the last year (well, much longer, but this
year was a large piece of the puzzle) bringing me to the bottom, to the end of
"myself"; my pride, selfish ambitions, and my comfortable
Christianity so that I have no other option but to rely completely on Him and
discover the amazing life He has waiting for me if I'd simply let go of all
that holds me back. I'm nowhere NEAR the end of this journey: it is life long
and only beginning for me, but I am thankful for the many ways He has broken me
these last 12 months. One statement that I continue to chew on from Jen’s book
is this: “Mercy has a cost: someone must be broken for someone else to be fed”.
Kyle Idleman adds that, “brokenness is the way to wholeness…if you’re going to
live, you’re going to lose”. I have prayed for years to experience Him more
intimately, and I am learning that that can only happen when I come to the end
of myself, when we reach those valleys and the only thing we are left with is
our ability to call out to our Lord and seek His face, His help, His strength,
and simply just HIM. There is nothing more frustrating nor more terrifying than
having all control slowly ripped from your hands, left completely dazed and
clueless, but, “there is much value in the struggle” (Interrupted, p. 31). I know He is working something out in my life,
in OUR lives. I think 2015 was a year of brokenness and releasing control, and
in turn, I believe 2016 is going to be a year of much change for my family and
I. What that will look like, I have no idea, but I am learning to trust despite
the uncertainty, fear, and unknown, because the One I am trusting in has proven
to be completely faithful and His way is so much greater than anything I could
ever choose on my own. I’m terrified but elated. Anxious but eager. Exhausted
but full of peace. I can’t wait to see where He takes us. As Jen Hatmaker
stated, “God does not change, but He uses change to change us. He sends us on
journeys that bring us to the end of ourselves. We often feel out of control,
yet if we embrace His leading, we may find ourselves on the ride of our lives”.
I share this stuff with you all because I do not believe God wants us to keep
our journeys stuffed under a rug, tucked away in the dark corners of our
hearts. We are called to let Him shine through us. As I learn, as I grow, as I
fall flat on my face, I share it in hopes that somehow He will receive the glory
He is due in the midst of it all. If you watch and see my many slip ups, my
many mistakes and the utter stupidity that I let slip through far too often,
may you see His grace and work cover it all regardless of myself. Here’s to a
New Year sweet family and friends, whatever it has in store, I have no doubt it
will be one heck of a ride. ;)
“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose
confidence is in Him.” – Jeremiah 17:7
