Grace for the Prostitute...Me.

This is an excerpt from my book that I read this morning... I have read Hosea more than once and I have heard something like this said a hundred different ways over the years. But God has been breaking down my heart more and more lately, humbling me, reminding me how completely broken and ugly I am without Him. He is teaching me what true grace looks like, and this story just rocked me today. This kind of love is incomprehensible for my human mind. Yet this IS my love story...except I am the one causing all the pain, I am the adulterous wife. What right do I have to withhold grace from others when God's grace for me never runs dry? Praise God He is nothing like me.


"Let me tell you a story about a man who was crazy in love with a woman. This man longed for this woman. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to cherish her. He delighted in her. He thought of her constantly and decided that she had to be his wife. Sounds beautiful, right? Now, let me tell you about the woman. She was... a whore. She didn't want to give herself to only one man.She loved the attention of multiple men. She didn't just love the attention, she loved the money and gifts he men she slept with gave to her. She knew she was loved exclusively and wholly by this one man, but she didn't care at all. He doted on her, gave her gifts, told her of his love, and she was indifferent.

Eventually, however, she gave in and became his wife. They committed to remaining faithful to each other. For him that was an eternal promise and a forever covenant. For her it was just words, like a thousand other words she had spoken previously and hadn't meant. After they were married for a bit, she decided she was bored and what she really needed was some of the excitement she had experienced before marriage. So she went back to her old lifestyle of chasing men. She looked for other lovers, yes, lovers...plural. She longed for the gifts they gave her. She sold herself to her other lovers and was an actual sex slave for them.

From the day she left, her husband began searching for her, and when he finally found her, he had to pay for her in order to bring her home. From his own money and wealth he one again sacrificed for this woman who had little or no love for him. The man had always been faithful, regardless of her actions. Of course, his heart hurt because of what she had done. He threatened to punish and ignore her, but in the end his love and his heart for this woman was so full and great that he took her back. He didn't just take her back reluctantly, though, He decided he would speak tenderly to her, allure her, woo her. He decided to give her gifts. He gave her hope that he would always love her. He asked her to call him her husband again. He had every right to take her outside the city gates and stone her, but instead he relinquished those rights. He literally owned her at this point, and yet he didn't want to be her master, he wanted to be intimate with her. He promised his steadfast love.

A story like this is stunning. We read about it and conclude that something is significantly wrong. He shouldn't love her after what she did to him. And if for some crazy reason he did decided to take her back, he should make her pay. He should be distant and remind her of all that she has done. He shouldn't be the one wooing her; she should have to work to woo him. She owes him big time.It seems that his forgiveness of her is just enabling her to continue her lifestyle -- that essentially what he is communicating to her is "Just go ahead and do whatever you want. I will bail you out in the end." This story rubs us the wrong way. It doesn't fit into our quid-pro-quo philosophy: "I will love you to the degree that you love me." In our self righteousness we can barely believe that anybody would be so dumb as to take a prostitute as a wife. It's crazy.

Here's the rub: You and I are that prostitute. Let that sink in for a minute.

Maybe you have guessed by now that the story above is from the book of Hosea. Hosea's marriage to Gomer id s parable illustrating God's relationship to his adulterous people (and by the way, we're "his adulterous people"). We play the role of the whore in this parable. Even writing that makes me a little angry. I don't want to view myself that way. I want to be the faithful one, the good one. And yet, the truth is that I a m aware of God's unmatched love for me, of his good and plentiful gifts, and yet every day I run after other loves. What other loves? Instead of reading my Bible, I decided to spend time on Facebook. Instead of believing that God's love is enough, I look for human approval and admiration. Instead of trusting that he will take care of me as he promised to, I manipulate and worry and try and figure out ways to take care of myself. I am the adulterous spouse, and so are you...


He continues to speak of His faithfulness to us, even in the midst of our unfaithfulness...

In the very moment that God's anger at sin should be the controlling emotion, his heart can't do it. He feels compassion instead of anger. Unspeakable grace.

Wrath is what you and I deserve. He has every right to come after us with his full wrath on display, but He tells us, " I am not like you, I am God. That is not how I deal with my beloved." (Hosea 11:8)

Excerpt from "Everyday Grace" by Jessica Thompson 

Saying Goodbye

So this is our final week with little man, as of Friday he will be moving on to another family. There is a mixture of emotions floating around my head and heart, many of which I am desperately trying to sort through. This past four months has been one of the most trying experiences of my life thus far. We have been living with one of the most difficult people I have ever met and God has broken me daily as I have sought to navigate through this situation, literally taking it day by day simply because thinking beyond that often seemed unbearable. We knew we signed up for a difficult road when it came to fostering children. They are coming from horrible situations and being pulled away from the only family they have ever known. Whether those families are “good” or not, it is a drastic change for these poor babies and we expected the repercussions to be challenging. However, “knowing” it and actually “living” it are two very different things. I have learned so much about my own heart, my own strengths and weaknesses, and my ability and inability to demonstrate Christ’s love in any and all circumstances. My spirit has been drained, my will has been broken, I have fallen before God more times than I can count seeking His power and grace to make it through just one more day.

I have looked into the eyes of this little boy and seen myself…. How I look before my gracious God. The whining, the complaining, the ungratefulness, the entitlement, the anger and hostility, the need for justice and retribution, the self-centeredness and the pride. All the things that made me want to quit, all the emotions and attitudes that made me want to give up and send him away are the very same things I myself continue to demonstrate before God. God never let me forget that. Oh I had my moments where I was blinded by anger and frustration and I failed to act and think as I should, but majority of the time I was slapped in the face with humility as God reminded me that that little boy standing in front of me was no different than myself. That ugliness was simply just more obvious in him because he is still immature and innocent enough to express himself without a filter. Ours is a more difficult for others to notice, but God sees every ugly bit of it.

With this continually in mind, I pressed on. I was forced more than ever in my life to demonstrate unconditional love. Those days when I didn’t feel love towards him, God reminded me that love is not simply a feeling, it is action. It is holding D after he made me feel so small and unappreciated, and reminding him that he is special, that he is loved and that not only do we love him but God loves him more. It is taking him places and spending time with him, even though he continually expressed his dissatisfaction and made us feel as though we never did anything for him. It is showing self-control in the most difficult of situations, taking deep breaths in those moments when all I wanted to do was scream and say things that I know would have forever left a scar on this dear boy’s heart. It is humbling myself before a child and allowing him to say and do things that bring every ounce of my pride bubbling to the surface, and choosing to simply walk away.  It is serving daily without any recognition, gratitude, or appreciation, but simply because there is a need and God has called me to fulfill it in His name.

Oh I have learned so much in such a short time. I’ve learned what it truly means to depend on God day in and day out, seeking Him from the depths of my soul so that I might not be another person in this child’s life that fails him. I know I did fail, far too many times than I can count. I pray God and D can forgive me for my weaknesses, and I pray that despite those failures God was still able to use us in his life, to plant seeds, to show, or at least to point him to Christ. As we prepare to send him off, my only prayer is that he will discover what it truly means to know and live for the Lord. He has an incredibly difficult road ahead of him, no matter the outcome of his current situation. The damage that has already been done will forever hold a place in his heart and it will take the power of God to get him through the journey set before him. I know God will use him in a mighty way one day if he simply just allows Him to. That will be my prayer for his life, even if/when we lose communication. He has a piece of my own heart forever with him, and though I cannot continue to help him at this time, I can and will serve him on my knees. I hope we can be more prepared for the future little lives God brings our way. My faith in God and His promises has grown tremendously, and I hope to hold tight to all I have learned and seen these past few months as we venture into the next chapter of our life. I know D is going to be living with an incredible couple that will love him, guide him and teach him to the best of their ability. What gives me peace above all else is that they are professing believers as well, so though we may not be imparting truth into his little spirit, I know they will continue to do so. Please pray for this little guy as he moves on. Though relief is one of the many emotions I admittedly feel at this time, I also feel concern and hurt as we release complete control into God’s hands and trust that He loves him more than we ever could, and He wants the absolute best for His life. With that, we say goodbye to our little buddy, and we thank God for giving us this opportunity to not only serve but to grow and know Him more deeply.