When God says "Wait and See": Saying Goodbye to a Decade of Childcare

So, several weeks ago I felt God nudging me to close the door on my daycare journey. This was the first
time I had more daycare kids than my own during the day, and even though my big kids are all at school,
5 under two has proved to be more challenging than I thought in the midst of my already crazy life.
However, as always, I swallowed my concerns and ignored that quiet whisper telling me to hand it over,
and I pushed on believing it would just get better. Well, last week I received notice from one of my
daycare parents. While it caught me off guard, I was eerily at peace about it and for the first time, well,
ever, I didn’t immediately jump into panic mode and begin searching for a replacement. That quiet
whisper started to ring in my ears once again saying, “it’s time to close this door. This season of your life
is over, you need to trust Me.” I even told Dave Friday afternoon I felt like God was telling me to let it go
NOW, before I see His plan because I felt like He was telling me to trust Him FIRST, then watch and see
what He will do. So this time, I chose to sit on it and pray. I prayed for direction and peace, I prayed for
clarity, because unless God makes it crystal clear I tend to second guess myself to death. I gave myself
until this past Monday (the 5th) to make a decision, and though by Monday I knew in my heart and gut
that I needed to let it go, I still clung to MY control over the situation. “Ok, God, I will let them know In
February, that way we can at least get our tax return back and pay off these medical bills… it makes
much more sense to wait.” I gave God a timeline, completely disregarding His call for me to let go in
Faith, not when it makes sense, but when HE says its time. In my mind I justified it believing I was in fact
listening, I was just trying to make a logical and wise decision regarding the “When”. Well, Monday night
as I was going to bed, I received a text from my other daycare parents saying they were giving their one
month notice as well. I literally laughed. Then I became angry at God for not letting me make the
decision on my own, rather I felt He ripped it from right under me. Then I was consumed with anxiety
over the finances. I knew this was Him, without a shadow of a doubt. I was 100% sure God closed those
doors because He had made it very clear this season of my life was done. So with that knowledge, I
knew I couldn’t find replacements, I needed to really trust God and His promise to provide. Why is that
so hard ya’ll?? HE proves He is faithful time and time again, and yet it took me a few hours to calm down
and fall asleep, and every time the baby woke me up last night, I was met once again with an anxious
heart. I woke up this morning and laid aside my current book so I could search the Scriptures for
encouragement. It was all over, flooding my mind and yet I still couldn’t seem to catch my breath.
God, being the amazing Father that He is, ended up allowing me a day with no daycare kiddos today.
They all called out, which is rare. And as I went on with my morning, talking with Elias, playing with the
baby, actually accomplishing some chores around the house, I realized He gave me this day off after my
news so I could taste what He was laying at my feet. I have been a mom almost 10 years and I have
provided daycare for just as long. I have never just been home with MY kids. This year has been tough as
I have been unable to attend a lot of things at school with my big kids since I have had so many littles at
home. This change means I will have the freedom to come and go as I please. I can go to lunch with my
kids whenever I want, I can go to the gym in the morning and not in the midst of my crazy evening
schedule, I can grocery shop during the day with only TWO kids and not burn up my evenings or time
with my family on the weekends, I can go see my husband at work, I can put the kids down whenever I want without a time limit, I can greet my family after school and work without being a frazzled burnt out
mess. I can simply just be a Mother and a Wife for the first time ever.
Then I started to look at the bigger picture… Why did God allow me to take on all these kids in the first
place if He was simply going to take it all away only three months later? Because He provided what we
needed to helps us finish out this year: with the sudden death of my washing machine, excessive
medical bills, car issues, Christmas, etc… yes, that stuff will inevitably always be there, but II get to
watch Him provide in other ways from now on. Why did we go through all that work to prep our house
only to end up staying? Because God wanted us to refinance and save almost $200 a month. He even
allowed us to pretty it up for not only the appraisal, but I also believe so I could simply enjoy my home
just a little bit more. (We tend to think God doesn’t care about those little things, but He does. Just as
we love to bless our children, our Father loves to bless us. ) Why did He make me give it up now and not
allow me to wait until tax time? I’m sure many reasons apply here, but I know one for sure is that my
internship starts January 16th and will go on through May. I was still struggling to figure out how I was
going to manage all of that, and He took care of it for me. I could go on and on, and some things are still
yet to be answered. However, I see His hand, I know His heart, and I trust His path for my family and I.
He is moving in big ways outside of this particular situation right now. We are stepping into 2017 with
zero sense of direction, but knowing change is coming. I can best describe it as this: rather than God
revealing the entire path and its destination, He is shining a flashlight on one stepping stone at a time,
and we are simply following His lead.
We thought 2016 was going to be our “year of change”, but oddly enough it was simply a year of
complete uncertainty and a whole lot of waiting. 2017 is already proving to be a year of change. I will
close the door on a decade of childcare, I will receive my bachelor’s degree in May after being in and out
of school for 12 years. And, once we say goodbye to sweet Spanky, we will be closing the door on foster
care as well. That is a whole other story in itself, but things never EVER go as we plan or expect. It’s one
reason I have come to despise planning for anything. One thing I know for sure is that God has a purpose
in EVERYTHING. His call for us to foster was not misheard, He absolutely led us into that ministry.
However, where we went in thinking it was going to be more of us simply serving and loving the
children, it ended up being one of the most trying, emotionally draining, and spiritually challenging
things we have ever experienced. God used it to break us and mold us in more ways than I care to
recount. And I believe He has a purpose in our future for the work He did in us during these three years
of fostering.
I went into LifeWay the other day to find a new book and absolutely NOTHING stood out. Hundreds of
books and none drew me in….except one. It is titled “Wait and See” and I remembered working through
a devotional based on it several weeks back. I grabbed it and plan to start it with my friend Christina this
week. However, this morning I went back and reread the devotional, and God led me to this:
“When our pause seems more like a wilderness, we must be determined to strengthen our faith by
trusting His timing.”
There is nothing scarier and yet more exhilarating then “Waiting” with the full assurance that we WILLget to “See” God fulfill His perfect plan. The waiting is scary, uncertain, and oh so faith building… but
when He finally reveals His plan…. All that time, all the work He did in our hearts and our minds during
the wait, oh how much more precious the gift of His perfect plan becomes. I can’t wait to See what He
has in store. I generally choose a motto at the beginning of every year….well, really God lays it on my
heart. 2017 is already being stamped with: “Wait and See”.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” – Psalm 27:14