Failure by choice

I have been in such a slump since I had Hayden. For the life of me I cannot seem to get a consistent routine down that allows me to accomplish all that needs to be done. I have so many ideas, so many chores, and so many kids that I just can't seem to get it all in no matter what I do! I had a friend ask recently how some of us fit it all in, and i responded with "I gave up and accepted that I never will until my kids are independent!" Its so frustrating though, because i look at the house and think "YUCK" and "FAIL", I see the kids and know that this time is precious and I need to utilize it so they will be trained "right" in the Lord. I want routine, I want to have devotion time with them, I want chore charts, I want quality time with each one, etc..etc...etc... but before I know it, the day is always over and I'm rushing to get them to bed so i can hit the sheets myself! I have friends whose homes are immaculate, and i think "how?? how do you do this?? what is wrong with me!" Or when my parents tell me about families at their church with stair step children who will sit quietly through an entire church service...seriously? my kids? yeah, that would last about 5 minutes. Its exhausting... and with a very disciplined type A personality, its nearly impossible for me to accept defeat in anything. If i want something done, I do it, its how I've always been. But these past few months I've found myself doing one of the things that frustrates me the most, making plans and failing to follow through with them. Its exhausting trying to get it all in, to be the "perfect" parent and wife, to keep the "perfect" home, to be the "best" friend to everyone... not only is that impossible no matter your situation or who you are, but I feel like Solomon's analogy applies in that its like "chasing after the wind." Its just NOT going to happen. So today...I surrender God. I'm pretty sure that's all you've wanted me to to do anyways isn't it? I, especially out of my own power, will not accomplish all i want and need to do today, or tomorrow, or ever. For you Mama's out there who seem to have it all together... I admire you, but I cannot compete. I give this day, and those that follow to God, and whatever He will have me accomplish with each breath He allows me to breathe, that will be sufficient for me. I'm throwing in the towel... so when you come to my house and see my piles of laundry, or dishes, or the dust one my ceiling fans, or better yet, if my children are pulling each other's hair out, screaming, throwing tantrums or breaking something...know that I am admittedly a failure...and I have no shame. ;)