"Snarky Mom"

Oh the library... how I have come to LOATHE that place. I only go maybe once a month because it is such an ordeal! I can never just take my two big kids, I always have at least 5 kids with me, 3 of which are under the age of 3. So I do it, because dangit, my kids need to read! Ironically, last Friday I was praising my kids for their awesome behavior all day, and so were others. But today, my two youngest were just having one of those days. We all have them, when we are extra irritable and ornery. We get away with it because we know how to verbally make light out of the emotions we feel. (well, some of us do...) children however, have not developed this technique yet so they just turn into big fat royal BRATS. So here's the story for the day:

First thing that happens when we get out of the car is Landon opening the side door of the van next to us. It was one of those automatic doors that opened itself once you pulled the handle. So I scolded him and tried to shut it...it wouldn't shut...i pulled from the outside, then the inside and it was stuck. Dang these new fancy vans with all their high tech features! So I was forced to leave it open.

I have 5 kids, my 4 and Gabriel who is in his carrier. I am lugging him, holding two bags and grabbing the hood of Hayden's jacket as we make our way across the parking lot. My kids love pressing the handicap buttons to open the doors, so they did...about 6 times. The door closed on me before I got to it, so I had to figure out a way to press it again since my big kids were long gone. Meanwhile, Hayden is looking everywhere but in front of her, so the second door knocks her in the face as it closes. The librarians got a good laugh out of that. The kids immediately go to the computers, of course, but there are only 2 available. Ugh. So Landon starts complaining "I want a tuuuuurn!! Mama, I want a tuuuuurn!" Praise the Lord, a computer opened up and he grabbed it. I set Gabriel down and he starts crying...loudly. I try rocking him because he is exhausted at this point and fighting sleep. So I kneel by his car seat and attempt to rock him to sleep. I was daydreaming apparently because my subconscious heard Landon saying "Mommy, I can't do it! Mommmmmmy, I can't do it!!!" But I didn't respond. The lady across from me,we will call her "perfect mom", meets my eyes and says with a smile, "is he yours?" in other words, get off your tail and go help your kid. But I just replied, "yep." and kept rocking the baby. Lady, clearly I am ignoring my child, leave me to my daydreams and focus on your perfect parenting please. 

Finally Gabriel is quiet, so I then walk over to Landon. You want to know why I was in no rush to help him? Because I have told him the past 5 trips to the Library that he isn't ready to play those games, he can't quite figure them out... so rather than play them he does what he did today. He yells, gets ticked off, has me try another game, gets ticked off again, moves to another computer, tries another game there, gets ticked off again, and so on. With each attempt Hayden is behind me bullying this little boy. Yes, she was bullying, because she is the baby sister of 3 other siblings who beat the crap out of her daily and a daycare kiddo that continually antagonizes her. Also because, GASP! SHE IS A BABY! I know, that's a shocker isn't it? So I am trying to referee her and this little boy, and Landon is behind me beating the keyboard with the computer mouse. I leave Hayden and discipline him, in which time Hayden managed to pull the seat out from the little boy, causing him to fall to the ground. Told you my kids were in some kind of mood today.

At this point, Gabriel was crying again, of course! So after Hayden finished her time out (because HEAVEN FORBID I spank my children in public!) I made her go apologize to the little boy and "perfect mom" was all nice and forgiving, because that's how perfect mom's are. THIS mom is not perfect, and I was done with the library. So I rounded up my herd...all but my disobedient 3 year old who refused to leave the computer, and we went to pick out books/movies and leave. while looking for books Hayden starts pulling them all of the shelves. As Kyleigh and I keep trying to put them back and get her to stop, I hear yelling, which turned in to screaming and then some banging and a small crash. Yes, we all know it was MY child. So I went over to see what world ending catastrophe had occurred, and see the keyboard and mouse were on the ground. ("Quiet Mom" just blankly stared at me and then back at Landon.... good job quiet mom, hide those judgmental thoughts from your face, today is not the day to mess with me).  I then smack his butt, and tell him to come with me. He walks in the other direction. I leave him there. Hey, it wasn't near the doors, he had no means of escape. I grab the other kids, and our books and take them to get their movies. Hayden again starts pulling them off the shelves, and I attempt to clean it up. A librarian comes over and says "just put them on the shelf over there so I can put them away." No, she did not say this nicely other wise I would have appreciated it. She said it in the annoyed, "You suck as a parent" tone. We get our movies and head to the check out counter, but I can't seem to find Landon. I search and search and lo and behold, he is hiding behind a pole playing with the baskets. "Let's go Landon." He stares and stomps his feet in defiance. I repeat, he throws himself to the ground and yells. I go to pick him up, and he starts screaming. So, i picked him up, picked up the 300 lb carrier (because that's how those dang things feel!) and make my way with 5 kids, 2 bags, and a basket of books, to the bathroom for a spanking...at that point I didn't care if they called social services. And wouldn't you know, the spanking worked. Well... for a little while.

We go to check out and the librarian says, "your card has expired and you have a $5 charge for a book because of water damage." I wanted to throw my basket of books at her. The whole issue with the book is another story that I frankly don't care to share now, but lets just say I don't believe that was us but I wasn't going to start an argument over 5 dollars... I would sacrifice a Starbucks just to get out of this hell on earth. As I am paying, Landon starts screaming and crying because D.J. is "touching" him. they start running in circles fighting, until Landon finally goes out one of the doors and plops himself on the ground....right in front of the doorway, so everyone is stepping over him or staring at him as they try and get in. The lady at the desk was super sweet and just told me to go ahead and take care of it while she got the books ready. (the whole time we were up there she was comforting me with comments about how kids will be kids) I grab him, lecture him, and bring him back to the desk... with a line of old people staring at me... you guessed it...with those judgmental daggers they call eyes. We walked back to the van and that door was still open...I tried again but couldn't get it. I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping it was "perfect mom's" van, but she had left already...darn. We then leave and as I pulled into the driveway, I turned around and said. "Kyleigh and D.J. you two were awesome and I am super proud of you, but if any of you talk to me in the next 10 minutes, I will lock you in your rooms for the rest of the day. Go play, I'll make lunch, and I don't want to hear any questions, yes ma'am?" "YES MA'AM!" they replied in unison...Landon got sent to his room and I chugged a bottle of wine...jk jk...but I dreamed about it.