Meeting Christ in our Mess... and man, am I a mess.

 I've learned that sleeping in on the weekends just isn't worth it. I absolutely HATE immediately waking up to loud voices, fighting, little people jumping all over me, and the continuous chorus of "I WANT BREAKFAST!!". All of that before I have even had my first sip of coffee is NOT a good combination, and NOT my idea of a great morning. I know some moms may cherish all of that, but I have to be honest, the only way my family and I will stand any chance having a "good" day is if Mama is able to get up before the rest of the house, have her coffee and fill up on the words of Jesus and those close to His heart. So, today I made myself get out of bed at 6:30 in order to protect my family...and myself. I sit down, relishing that warm cup of golden deliciousness in my hand, and begin reading my new book. Ten minutes into this moment of heavenly bliss, I hear the first set of footsteps coming up the stairs. I cannot lie, my heart drops when this happens far too soon in the morning. It was D.J., and man was he chatty this morning. I continued trying to read while leaving one ear available to his boyish chatter, and then five minutes later, Landon walks up the stairs. Landon does not intro his day with a good morning or a hi mom, he will always walk into the room and with his oh so beautiful WHINEY tone state, "I want breakfast". I resist the urge to throw my book at him every time. I tell him, as usual, that he must wait until I finish my quiet time, then I will gladly serve him his breakfast. So he hangs around, climbing on my legs, asking me the same 3 questions, and arguing with his brother. Shortly after this, one by one, the remainder of my children enter the living room... my short lived sanctuary is no more. Everyone wants to eat and everyone is a little edgy today (probably feeding off of my own vibes this morning, not gonna lie). So I wrap up the rest of the current chapter I am working through in my oh so perfectly timed book, "Hope for the weary mom", and  proceed into the kitchen where I try to find enough space on my over crowded stove top and counter. I rarely get a chance to do the dishes the night before, my need for bed is far greater than my need to clean when 8:00 rolls around. So I work in the ridiculous mess that is my kitchen. Then, I am informed that D.J. broke the railing on his bed last night. I think, he probably just knocked it off and in his little boy mind he believes it is broken. So I walk downstairs and lo and behold, the railing is hanging over the side of the bunk bed, half of it laying on the floor and the remainder of the pieces laying all over the edge of his bed. A.W.E.S.O.M.E. I then come upstairs, too irritated to really address the issue at that moment, telling him we will discuss it when daddy wakes up. I then tend to the screaming baby in his booster chair who is apparently starving to death. I make him a bottle, while running the bath water for my boys who I embarrassingly enough, I cannot remember the last time they had a bath, it's just been one of those weeks. I then look around my house and see this...



What is not pictured is the pile of bedding in the hallway covered in Hayden's pee from two nights ago, the curtain rod hanging from Elias' window, one panel still hanging on and the other on the floor, the laundry that is overflowing every basket in the house, the playroom that no longer has a floor, The Christmas decorations , that though packed up, have yet to be put away, and oh so much more...


I'm taking the advice of the lady at Spirit FM and admitting that my house RARELY looks clean and together. I will clean, and within an hour it is trashed again. Sometimes this leaves me feeling so discouraged and frustrated, other times I just roll with it and accept that that is where I am at in life. For those of you moms who are able to keep that beautifully clean and put together house, you are rock stars and I admire you. But for those of you like me who can never seem to catch up, you are NOT ALONE! I think how terribly I need to get my house back in order, but I am left with no hope because today is one of the two days I have in the week to get away and do my homework. So, I accept yet again, that my house must look like crap for another day...or two...or three...

This morning follows a pretty rude awakening I had yesterday. Dave went to do our taxes and needed Elias' social security number. I went to our box with all the important "stuff" in it, and expected to find it, remembering in that moment that we never received Elias' birth certificate from months ago. I was furious, and told myself to remember to call about that monday. I open the box and within a few seconds I find the supposed "missing" birth certificate. I am completely confused at that point, because for the life of me I cannot remember ever getting it. The hole in my memory is kind of scary some times. Then, I hopelessly search for the social security card that I swear is in there. To no avail, I cannot find it. I am frustrated and freaking out because we so need to do our taxes and I can't remember where I put it, or quite honestly, if I ever did receive that in the mail either. I spend the next 45 minutes searching tirelessly through boxes and piles of papers all around the house and, praise the Lord, I find it at the bottom of a BIG stack of papers, bills, and miscellaneous whatevers. I am thankful, but oh my word, I am horrified. Do you ever have those moments, (for me they are quite often), where you are so irritated with your inability to stay organized and even more angry that your brain absolutely SUCKS now that you have kids? I assure you, my processor is in fact broken. Though I was horrified at this unfolding of events, Dave was even more caught of guard...and in all honesty, I think he was a little concerned....rightly so lol. I felt like a complete mess...a failure... and I knew in that moment that even though these things needed to be organized and i needed to get my physical life together (my house and all that is in it), I knew it just wasn't possible... WHEN would I get the opportunity or time to do anything about it? I can barely get my house picked up and the dishes done on a daily basis...

I say all this, as I am currently lsitening to my kids scream from the bath in unison, "MOOOOMMY!!! WE ARE READY TO GET OUUUUUT!" I have let out a few words in not so pretty octaves this morning, and of course, I feel like the worst mom every at this point.All I can think is...man I stink as a mom... and my poor husband, I really need to get this wife thing under control too.  I'm just one hot mess ya'll.

However, God, in His oh so perfect timing, had laid this truth in my hands and on my heart yesterday during my precious alone time, and I have continued to dwell on it since.

(Referencing 1 Corinthians 12:9-10)

"I imagine that if Jesus himself could whisper these verses into our hearts it might sound something like this:

Can you hear me, sweet one? I'm struggling hard to be heard over the condemning voices in your head, but I want you to hear the truth and to embrace it. Its ok to be weak. It's ok to not know what to do or how to do it. It's ok that you don't have all the answers. I do.

What's that? You're tuning in just a little now? I'll try again...It's ok to feel lost. It's ok to need help. It's ok that you're not perfect. I am!

That's better! You're the apple of my eye! My darling girl who was so valuable to me that I gave my life for you! I want to shout my love for you from the rooftops and say ITS OK TO FAIL! it's ok to get things wrong! it's ok to be weak, because in your weakness I AM strong.

If you'll let me, I will make your place of greatest weakness into my place of greatest grace. I'll be the strength you need to keep going, the one who meets you in your mess, the one who leads you to the next right thing and covers over your sin with my robe of righteousness. Trust me. Invite me in. Shut out those other voices, because I have loved you with an everlasting love. Nothing can ever tear you away from the strength of my love. Listen to me."

OH I am so weak and SO not together. This continues to be painfully revealed to me daily since I have become a mother. But oh how incredibly thankful I am that Christ IS perfect, that He DOES have it all together, and that despite my failures and defeats, despite those voices telling me I don't measure up, He is always beating them down with His love, His grace, and His sweet tender voice calling me to look at Him and not at the mess around me. I hope you fellow weary mamas can find some precious encouragement in these beautiful words, this amazing truth. You are GREAT moms, and GREAT wives, and we are all in this together. Imperfect in and of ourselves, but 100% perfect in Christ. Love you all!