We choose our reactions, our circumstances don't cause them.

I find myself continually opening up this book I recently finished, searching for little snippets to keep me encouraged throughout the day. I feel like many of us read something encouraging or even just simply find random motivation to “do better” and “try harder” each day, but it is so quickly snuffed out by the presence of failure that we go right back to our negative cycles, never finding our way out. This is me…For the past 9 years. I feel like I am always trying to overcome my tendency as a mother to get annoyed and flustered when the continual mishaps, messes, and interruptions ruin yet again another day.  I feel like I am always treading water, desperately searching for the joy I so desperately desire. I often look around me and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. “WHY is this so hard? Why do they annoy me so bad? Why am I so desperate for them to leave me alone more often than I want them to be around me?” I have read several books on the topic of motherhood/parenting, and this one was no different when it came to the heart of the problem. The problem is NOT my kids. The problem is NOT my circumstances. Sure, it would be much easier to be joyful if my kids would be perfect little obedient and peaceful angels, but that in no way describes a child. And sure, my  mood would be much better if my house stayed cleaner, I had more help, my back didn’t ache, I wasn’t so tired, our finances weren’t so tight, etc. etc. etc. We could all list a million reasons we have to be grumpy and short fused. But the reality of it is, it all comes down to ME. I am the one in charge of how I respond to the circumstances and people around me. I cannot change them. The only thing I have control over is how I deal with them. And truth be told, the reason they all annoy and frustrate me so much is because, well, they are interrupting MY plans, MY day, MY desires. Me Me Me… The root of my problem is selfishness. I love the authors take on our daily “interruptions”:

“There will always be interruptions and obstacles to accomplishing our dreams. You know what? They are blessings! If life was a steady flow of unobstructed pathways, how would we ever learn or grow, or understand the depth of the beauty that surrounds us? There is great value in having to learn to jump a hurdle or move a huge block out of the way.” – Lisa Pennington

Lisa, the author of the book, further encourages her readers to pause in the midst of those interruptions, breathe, pray, and try to not only realize its NOT REALLY that big of a deal, but also to bring humor to the situation, because laughing ALWAYS, without fail, brings joy to a situation.

Now, I was a little skeptical of this advice at first because, well, I know most if not all of you have days like me where it feels like a domino effect and everything that CAN go wrong, DOES go wrong. To try and muster up humor and keep myself from becoming crazy hulk mom again seems utterly impossible. But, this lady has 9 kids and has home schooled them all so I figured it was worth a shot to at least give her advice a try.

So today, my normally very stressful morning of breakfast/lunch prep, getting the kids ready to head to school and trying to bathe and prep the littles because we had to be at Spanky’s visit by 9, went exactly as it always does…except, it was enjoyable. I randomly broke out into song over something that would have normally had me screeching at a child. Singing and some added belly shaking as I tried to imply that the baby was enjoying my solo even if the other 5 were staring at me liked I’d fallen of the crazy wagon. ( No joke, 5 sets of eyes, all in dead stare as I shake and sing around the kitchen, though Elias tried to give me a pity dance in support). Then, we did devotions for the first time in weeks together…. Five minutes before we had to be at the bus stop, but I let go of how I THOUGHT it should go and just let it happen is it could. We discussed it briefly, pointed out the key points and ran (or hobbled in my case) to the bus stop. I randomly called out every 30 seconds with a pathetic “Ima comin!!  Have a great day if you leave before I get there! I’ll still be here!” All three kids were laughing, and sweet DJ even attempted to come back and help me. Then we prayed together, on the corner of our street right before the bus came. Precious.

I came back, finished getting the kids ready and rather than become irritated with their lack of follow through to my initial requests, I tried to make it fun. I made everything a race. Getting dressed, cleaning up their place at the table, getting shoes on, and even getting in the car and buckling. It made it fun, and wouldn’t ya know, it made it all happen efficiently. ;)  Now… here is where Satan really tried to “ruffle my feathers”. Let me yet again quote Lisa before I continue:

“Getting into the van may not look like you thought it should, but that doesn’t mean its wrong. It can be filled with joy.”

Says the woman of 9 children, who absolutely can relate to my frustrations this morning. We were already cutting  it close to getting to the visit on time, and as I go to strap Charlie in, I realize someone had completely undone her car seat. Ugh. So I had to buckle it back in with her in the seat, which is twice has difficult. Then, where SPanky or Hayden usually help me buckle Gabriel in the back, the buckle was of course twisted this morning and they couldn’t get it. Great. Bum knee, fat belly, sure, let me climb to the back and fix the stupid buckle. I painfully did so and crawled up to my own seat. I then kept telling myself to NOT forget to stop in Kroger to pick up flowers for birth mom… I said it like 3 times ya’ll… but wouldn’t ya know, I went into mommy la la land one minute before passing Kroger and completely forgot to turn. So I had to find a place to turn around… a mile up the road, and get back there asap, while still being on an ever decreasing time limit. We finally get downtown, with minutes to spare, only to sit there for another 10 minutes because birth mom was late. 10 minutes in a stationary car with 5 kids under 4…no Bueno. But alas, what would have normally derailed my day, ended up going smoothly and without the typical frustration, anger, and yelling. Simply because I paused, remembered its NOT that big of a deal if we are late, and we started singing and being silly on the way there, bringing the mood and atmosphere back to a more joyful level. When we got there, rather than barking at them to stay seated, which of course would be EASIER, I allowed them to unbuckle and freely move in the car while we waited.

Later on, I had a messy house. Rather than be overwhelmed and attempt to kick them all outside (fighting them every five minutes to GET OUT OF MY WAY AND OUT OF THE KITCHEN!!) I chose one thing to focus on, the dishes, told them to play for a bit outside until lunch, and watched them through the window as I worked. It was not without interruptions, but I listened, answered, and joked with them the whole time, making it much more bearable. Then, I forced myself to really stop after the dishes wer done and to take a few minutes, despite the fifty things screaming at me that needed to be done, and I played three games with them outside, resting my leg while I was at it. Two birds, one stone. They had an absolute blast, so much so that Spanky came up and hugged me and told me he loved me at least 5 times throughout the games. Just because I was spending time with them… ENJOYING them. It meant the world to them, and I have to admit, it brought my own mood and heart up to a level I haven’t seen mid day in a long time. ;)

I then excused myself, returned to finish a few duties before it was time to tuck them all in. The normal resistance that would occur because of nap time was avoided because I promised a story if they quickly got ready for naps. Then, I allowed the tickle monster to join us and chased them each to their beds, complete with a belly feast and burrito baby finish. They went down like angels.

Naptime was heavenly. I propped my leg, which has been quite irritating lately, but rather than get annoyed, I ate, chilled and regrouped before heading back to put the house back together. I folded the mounds of laundry that normally overwhelm and frustrate me, and used it as an opportunity to pray for the what seems like endless prayer requests that I am aware of. I spent time talking to God, in the quiet of my day, rather than becoming so wrapped up with the to-do’s and frustrations of the day, the things that normally keep my eyes in front of me rather than above me.

This has been by far one of the BEST days I’ve had in a while, and the only thing that changed was my attitude and perspective. My kids were still doing the same things they always do, my house was just as messy, my to-do list just as long, and my leg and back are in just as much pain, but I chose to make the most of every moment, adding humor and fun rather than succumbing to the growing feelings of frustration because things were going the way “I wanted them to”. I realize this is long, but I share it because I know that I am not alone in this struggle. It seems to be plaguing just about everyone I know, parent or not.

Lisa states, “Every time our expectations get derailed ,we have a choice. To move forward with joy or to go into a fuss and get mad. We can fight what God wants us to learn from the changes, or we can give over to peace that, not to be cliché, passes understanding. We can be controlled by our immediate reaction, or we can stop and give it thought and purpose.”

Though every day we can look around us and see SO MANY THINGS that are wrong with our lives, I assure you, that if we choose to rather look around and see the MILLIONS of things that surround us that are beautiful and good, we will already have a completely different attitude. Like anything else, it takes time to change. Tomorrow I will probably fail, but my hope is that rather than give up and fall back into my normal, negative, grumpy and joyless cycle, I will simply let the moment (or day) pass, embrace the grace that I have already been given, and try again. With God ALL THINGS are possible. I want to enjoy this beautiful life He has given me,  and that is absolutely possible if I just let go of myself and embrace what’s in front of me. <3