I have been wanting to write more frequently, but between the horrible week I had last week and the negative mindset I was in, I just didn't feel it was a good time to post anything. Can I just say that parenthood is MUCH harder than I ever expected? I mean, I knew it was going to be tough, but tough just doesn't begin to express how difficult this journey really is. Given, the fact that we popped out four little ones back to back has made the whole experience that much harder. We no sooner move on from a stage only to have the next child enter it, and then the next one, and the next one....meanwhile, we are always beginning a new trying stage with our oldest. Its exhausting, to say the least. I struggle daily to keep a positive mindset, to remember to be thankful and appreciate the good in my life, and even more so, the good in my kids. My Mom reminds me now and then that when it gets really tough to just think of the worst case scenario, which would be if we were to ever lose one of our babies. All around me, this continues to happen to different families, and I am humbled and beyond grateful that God has given Dave and I four healthy, active, intelligent and strong minded children. They are a challenge, but they are so beautiful. I tend to always focus on the negative when I think of them most days because lets face it, as children we candidly show the ugliness that is the human nature. We are selfish, ungrateful, defiant, and just down right mean most days. Nothing humbles one more than to see our true selves through the lives of our children. Its like seeing the human race through God's eyes. We grow up and learn social politeness and discretion, but that doesn't mean in our hearts and minds we aren't thinking the very same things our children our doing and saying. It's a great reminder of just how small we are and how great our God is. I keep telling Dave the kids are incredible tools for shaping the fruits of the Spirit in our lives, think how often we are forced to show, " love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control". ( Galatians 5:22-23) Originally, I had this whole blog planned last week of the things I did not expect to encounter as a parent, it was basically a very negative rant. But thankfully God forced me to wait until my mind and heart were in a better place. So now I will share those things, but while also sharing the ways they challenge us to demonstrate the fruits of the spirit, the characteristics that should be constantly growing within believers and becoming more evident in our lives to those watching us. So here goes, my list of things I did not expect to encounter as a parent, (let alone so frequently), and the ways they each challenge me spiritually:
1: A continually messy/dirty house - I did not expect my house to always look like it has been hit by a tornado. Crumbs of every kind of food always on the floors, stubbing toes on toys all day long, the puzzle pieces, games, blocks, and millions of tiny pieces found all throughout the house, rooms in shambles, the bathroom covered in...well everything, the sink overflowing, and so on. This is by far a great test of my "patience" and "joy". Patience in knowing that one day, I will be able to keep up on my home, but until then I just need to accept what is and do the best that I can. And to be joyful despite my circumstances, because a dirty home means happy healthy kids are at work.
2: Everything, and I mean everything, will be broken - a day does not go by that something in my home isn't broken. Whether it is a toy, a picture frame, a glass, or even as simple as a straw, something will be broken. Whenever you think your house is child proof, it is never child proof enough to endure 4 small children, and especially never enough to endure a Landon. This definitely strengthens my patience, but even more so, my self-control.
3: The smothering - to be constantly touched, smothered and needed all day long by 4 dependent children, it becomes very overwhelming and VERY annoying. But then I'm reminded they want to be with me because they love me, and when I think of how much I "love" them, it doesn't matter that they are interrupting whatever I am doing, or that I am not getting my "me" time, because its not about me, its about my kids. God thinks of His children and their needs every minute of every day, why should we be any different?
4: The selfishness - I did not expect all children to be so selfish at such a young age, but it is the true nature of everyone, kids just haven't learned the beauty of sacrifice and selflessness yet. Each time they express their selfish nature its an opportunity for me to show them "kindness" and "goodness" in return. Nothing can change the heart completely until a person has given their lives to the Lord, but in the mean time we are training them and instilling His ways in them, preparing them for God's work.
5: The deliberate defiance and disobedience: I expected this, but not at such young ages and not so consistently. We have three strong minded children so far, one that is the extreme case of a strong-willed child, so our battles are endless. They test the waters daily, pushing buttons and going toe-to-toe with us to see how far they can get before they break mom and dad. Sound familiar? That's what we do to the Lord daily! These situations provide us the opportunity to grow in gentleness, patience, self-control...among other things.
The list could go on forever, such as the continuous pile up of laundry, the excessive use of toilet paper, the repeated questions and continuous chatter, the fighting, the tiresome routine of loading and unloading them in the car whenever you need to go somewhere and then attempting to accomplish that task while trying to maintain control over your kids, the hour long task of trying to get them to go to bed at night, the disposal of bodily fluids all around the house, the weekly overflow of the toilet, the flooding of the bathroom floor after a bath, the daily spilled drinks and meals, the crumbs I find in my bed at night, the headcounts every 5 minutes whenever you go anywhere, the constant need for entertainment, and most of all, NO BREAKS. I am with these kids from the moment I wake up to the moment my head hits the pillow each night. They all nap but Hayden is not on the same schedule, and even when she is, that is my only time to accomplish anything around the house. There are so many things I did not expect to endure as a parent, and it is draining, mentally, physically and spiritually. But I have said it before and I will say it again, they are the perfect tools to help form us into the people of God we were meant to be. Now, remembering this in the midst of it all is not easy, but it's the perfect test to our "faithfulness" when it comes to spending time in God's word and on our knees before Him. We need Him, in any situation we need Him, but even more so when it comes to being the shepherds and stewards of other lives. I am humbled daily at how small and incapable I am, and am so thankful for the ever present help, guidance and comfort of my heavenly Father. So, here's to another start of a week, another attempt at taking on the world of parenting...The kids have been up since before 6, I found Landon in bed with a bag of cereal, and since I started writing this blog I have already been asked a hundred questions, been screamed at, had a cup thrown at me, started laundry, dealt with the kids fighting, fed them all breakfast, changed two diaper, dressed Landon as Spider Man only to be punched shortly after (because apparently I'm the bad guy), and now he is currently playing with a ball in dirty mop water. Yes... today the fruits of the Spirit will be tested and shaped in my life yet again, and I know the same will be true for you guys! Have a great day everyone, praying for you, your growth and of course, your sanity. ;)
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