It's all about me.

I am part of a bible study with two of my good friends (and a recently added new friend J), and we are currently reading a book called “gods at war” by Kyle Idleman. I have been intrigued by the truths he is pointing out when it comes to identifying idols in our lives. Many of us hear the word “idol” or “gods” and think of statues and wooden figurines you hear about in Buddhist and Hindu cultures, but being one of the 10 commandments God laid out for us, we need to consider the fact that they are much more than that. Kyle explains that, “Anything at all can become an idol once it becomes a substitute for God in our lives. To describe the concept more clearly, anything that becomes the purpose or driving force in your life probably points back to idolatry of some kind. “

As I thought about this definition, and meditated on several of the examples he had given, I didn’t feel any of them really fit me. Now, I know all of us have idols in our lives so I just needed to dig deeper to figure out what the heck I personally struggled with. Then he nailed it, and boy did it sting. He asked the question, “What infuriates you?”, and proceeded to give a detailed example of how we may react sitting in traffic. Anyone that drives with me will quickly learn I suffer from a severe case of road rage. Ride with me and you will soon discover that I firmly believe the rest of the world stinks at driving. Kyle asks the question, “Why does this stranger have so much power of your emotions? What about when someone embarrasses you or doesn’t treat you with respect? What’s the real issue here? Maybe your quick temper reveals the oldest idol of them all – The god of me.” I literally jumped back when I read that. The god of ME? I can’t possibly struggle with that, that can’t be the problem…can it?

When I started to really think about why I get so upset with people, with situations, with my kids… I slowly began to realize that I am far more self-centered than I thought.  When my kids don’t say thank you for something I have gone out of my way to do for them, why does that bother me so much? Well, because I want the recognition and appreciation for doing something for them. Why does it bother me so much when people are in my way on the road? Because they are causing ME to be late or in some way inconveniencing  ME. Why do the thoughts and opinions of others about me matter so much? Because I want them to like ME, I want them to think highly of ME. When I do something for someone, it actually bothers me when they don’t show any appreciation for it…because deep down I want that acknowledgment, I want that praise and affirmation. Here I thought all along that I truly loved people, that I loved God, but deep down I am battling with loving myself more. If this weren’t true, none of these things would bother me because I would be doing them purely out of a heart of love. How ugly my heart really is in light of this discovery. Who wants to hear that about themselves? I would much rather deal with the god of food, or the god of entertainment…but the god of me? That’s probably the foulest one of all.

As I have been pondering this awareness, I am overwhelmed and yet completely humbled. Sometimes we see the lives of others and think we aren’t so bad. Sure, we recognize that we are sinners, but our lives are over all “pretty good”. We can’t resonate with those who have been to the absolute pits in life, who have seen and done things unimaginable. I have said before that  it is almost harder in a sense for those who have not been in such broken and dark places because we fail to see just how sinful we truly are before a holy God. The fact that deep down I am in pursuit of what makes ME happy reveals that I am committing a very grave sin in the eyes of my Father. Christ summed up the commandments with two statements, to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” And “to love your neighbor as yourself.” But guess what, the fact that in my heart I am pursuing my own happiness and glory breaks both of those commands…and that is a hard truth to swallow.  I know God will tear this idol down, and I can’t wait for Him to do it so that He can continue to empty my life of ME and fill it more with HIM. One statement Kyle made in his book will be my focus today, and every day, until God destroys this god in my life. He says: “The foundation of reality is that there is one God, and you are not Him. Once that’s established, a choice must be made, and here it is: I know that there is the Lord God, the master of all creation. I also know there’s the god of me, the pretender to the throne. Whom will I serve?”  He further states that the god me is the most relentless idol of them all… but my God is bigger and I know He will be found victorious in this battle. He already is. J