Our Newest Journey Begins...

         So tonight is the first night of training in our quest to become foster parents. Trying to let that sink it, this is actually happening! Finally, after dreaming of it for 12 years, its now a reality. I found myself starting to become very anxious and overwhelmed with it all this morning. Looking around, seeing where Hayden had dumped a bag of toys all over the laundry room, papers and markers scattered all over my kitchen table, the sink and counters piled high with dirty dishes, a trail of crayons and markers down the hall way from the little ones emptying a crate of them... yesterday was spent in a constant state of stress and irritability because my house had four days worth of filth/mess/clothes that needed to be taken care of, my kids were literally up my butt all morning, and I had a two hour exam I needed to take that I hadn't studied for. On top of it all, Dave ended up tearing his chest muscle on Friday night, and we discovered yesterday morning that it was worse than we had hoped and he would be down for a while. Between the emotional and physical defeat he is feeling through it all, we are also faced with a large financial strain as a result of all the doctor bills. I stood in my kitchen, washing my endless dishes, thinking, "God, what is going on? This is what you placed on my heart to do right? This is the next step in our lives, to open our home to children who need our love, who need YOUR love, to give them some shelter in the midst of their broken little lives. Why on earth is everything spiraling out of control right when its all starting to come to fruition?"

                  I often think of Katie now, from the book I had recently read (Kisses From Katie), and the fact that she is a 22 year old girl and the mother of 14 orphaned children. She has no luxuries like a dishwasher, a  washer and dryer, or even a store that is 2 minutes away. Her number of children is more than triple mine, and her work load is far beyond my comprehension. Yet she does it with such joy and grace, she trusts in God's ability to do it all, because even though WE can't, He can. I find her life, her story, so encouraging and inspiring in the midst of all the craziness I experience on a daily basis. When she came to a point where she said "God, NO MORE, I can't handle anymore. Not now." God responded with, "yes you can, and here is another child that I want you to love. Here is another person I want you to reach out to." And she did it, and He was sufficient in His grace as promised. I rest in this truth... because I know  in my own strength, in my own power, I am completely helpless and unable to do anymore, to take on anymore, to reach out anymore. But God has been tugging on my heart for years now to open my arms to "the least of these." To set aside my needs, my wants, and my time...no matter how hard, so we can let Him work through us and comfort the aching hearts of those He places in our lives. There will never be a more perfect time than now. Things will never perfectly fall into place, or slow down to just the right pace... life here isn't meant to be easy or perfect, it is not our home. And while we are here, we are given one great command, to LOVE. To let our lives reflect our Savior.

          Today I will fail miserably as a mother... I will yell at my kids, I will lost my patience, I will get frustrated and overwhelmed, and at times feel completely defeated. But praise God, He is so much bigger than me, and He uses imperfect people such as myself to reach a dying world. When I feel like the worst mother alive, I know that though I am far from perfect, my kids always know I love them, always know I am here for them no matter what, and they know that they are safe because God has given us this amazing gift called family, and I cannot wait to let others be a part of our crazy, imperfect, obnoxious family.