Behavior Management 101 - Let's Begin!

Alright, today my mother took me out to shop in preparation for implementing a few new methods in our home to help get my children under control. I have failed to stay consistent with anything and it shows in the attitudes and constant disobedience from my kiddos. It also shows in my own nasty attitude. I no longer want this home to look and feel like a war zone. I want to actually enjoy playing with my kids, you know, and not have to tear them off each other while trying to play a game, or listen to them argue back and forth over who gets to turn the page of the book we are reading. Enough is enough! None of us are happy with the way things are right now and it's time I "man-up" and do something about it. So, I will invite you all to join me on the journey to "taming" the Freyre kids. Don't laugh... for those of you that know my children well enough, this does sound like an impossible job, but God can do anything right? ;) OK...I'm not expecting them to stop being the crazy characters they are, what fun would that be? But some obedience and respect would sure be nice! So, with that said, here is a glimpse into my new approach...

First of all, I am not a huge advocate for the time-out method. I have rarely seen it work, in fact, my kids always seemed to look relieved when I chose this method of punishment...which seriously annoyed me. However, I have tried it for the past few days, and remained consistent, and it is actually proving to be effective! Imagine that. Even when it comes to Landon, that is the kicker for me. Nothing else works on that child, and I mean NOTHING, but do 2 minutes in time-out, bring him back to the situation he was in trouble for, explain it is a "no-no" and he walks right away from it, never to return (at least for that day). My big kids seem to be responding positively as well.

Second, a behavior chart.  They will receive stickers for the "morning shift" and the "evening shift". Doing a sticker for an entire day would just be an impossible time frame, so I am breaking the day up. If they can get through the morning without getting in trouble, they get a sticker, and the same goes for the evening. By getting in trouble, I mean I shouldn't have to move beyond any warnings to the point of time-out or spankings. They get one warning, that's it! No more of this 50 million warnings and get mom so worked up she is screaming, THEN receive the punishment. No, it should take one warning, and after that its time-out and no sticker. If they get 7 stickers in a row (well, 14 for the morning and evening) then they get to pick a prize out of the treasure box. When I ask or tell a child to do something, they get one chance, if they refuse to do it when asked and another sibling does the work, then the 2nd child will get the 1st child's sticker for that shift. Talk about incentive right?? That's using sibling rivalry to my advantage. LOL

I also have a few smaller things I am going to try doing in between, one being what to do with the all the name calling. I read in my Focus on the Family magazine a technique one author used and I love it. For every mean word the kids say to each other, they will have to come up with three "nice" things to say about that person before anyone can move on.

Another author discussed teaching the kids to take ownership for their behavior. I don't know about you, but my kids sure do LOVE the blame game. "But he said...!!" "But she hit me!!" "But...But...But..." you get the idea, Adam and Eve played the same game. This author suggested explaining that "losers" blame other people while "winners" accept the responsibility for their actions and apologize. He said every time one of the kids would go to blame the other, he would hold his fingers up in the shape of an "L" to express "loser". The kids got a kick out of it, but also began to catch themselves in the act of blaming. Anytime one would take responsibility for their actions, they would hold up a "W" for winner. I know for me, this sounds perfect for my kids. It will lighten the mood, yet at the same time make them aware of their behavior and help them learn to end the blame game at a young age.

These are some of the methods I am going to try and implement, and I need all of you to hold me accountable! I know for me, with having so many little ones, I truly struggle to remain consistent because its so overwhelming. But I really desire to raise my children to be loving and respectful, towards their parents and siblings, but also towards the rest of the world around them. So with that said, let the newest journey begin!

The Truth Behind Mother's of Multiples

I have had some fun discussions with my mommy friends lately. Those conversations where you are like, "Thank you Lord that I am not the only crazy one!" :) I thought I'd share some of the highlights with you other Mama's who live the same "Relaxed" lifestyle and need some affirmation. So here we go:

Topic One: A clean house

We all agreed, who has time to keep their house immaculate? When you have more than one young child, keeping a clean house is nearly impossible if you intend to have quality time with your little ones and hubby. I know some women are able to do this, and I am in awe of them! But most of us fail to keep our houses in "proper" order. We are lucky if our homes get picked up regularly, the dishes are done and there are clean clothes to wear. if those three things are accomplished, we are satisfied! the group of Mommies I was talking to all agreed, we generally either wear socks or shoes in the house for fear of what may be on our floors... don't worry, before you get all freaked out and think we are disgusting slobs, it only takes one meal or one trip outside to produce filthy floors in a house full of little ones. If you were to step foot in my own kitchen after one of our meals, you would be amazed at the small feast that covers the floor surrounding my kitchen table. We all agreed however, its worth living in the mess if it means more time with the family! :)

Topic Two: Our children's appearances

Clean children, matching clothes, styled hair... if you were to look at any of our kids, you would assume they were "free spirited" children based on their appearances. My one friend and I agreed, we are lucky our daughters get their hair brushed most days, styling it? my version of styling is slapping Kyleigh's hair in a pony tail. Matching clothes? ok, maybe for church, but most days, they dress themselves so we are lucky the clothes they choose match the season or size, if the colors match it is by Divine intervention. Most days D.J. is wearing size 2T basketball shorts... he is a size 6. But he loves those shorts, and of all the battles I choose to fight, that is the least of them so out he goes in his short shorts! Besides, you have way more fun seeing the reactions of outsiders when they see our goofy looking clans with their dirt and jelly smeared faces, nappy hair, and leopard print pants and polka dot shirts out in public. Judge away, because you can't deny they are all happy as can be! :) Which leads into topic number 3....

Topic Three: Bathing

One kid is easy to bathe daily...but beyond that, most of us will admit we HATE bathing them and postpone it as long as we can! Spring and summer are hard, they get pretty filthy... but even then, it just depends on how filthy. I will leave this one with my favorite quote of the year thus far by my friend, " When i realize their hair is kind of crusty, I think, it's probably time for a bath." LOL

These were the three highlights of our conversations recently, and they make me smile even writing them. I would have never dreamed I would let so many things go when I became a mother, but you also are never taught how little time you have to do the overwhelming number of tasks that come with being a wife and mother. So, it all comes down to priorities, and it's comforting to know that those around me share the same sentiments when it comes to the number one priority in their lives, and that is quality time with our kiddos! The rest can wait another 6 years or so... :)

Love

I don't know about the rest of you, but I really struggle to know how much is too much when it comes to sharing God's Truth. I wish he gave us more specific “directions” when it comes to this area. So often i hear people say, " its not worth arguing, you won't get anywhere. just live it and show them love, and most of all pray for them." Where there is definitely truth to this, I feel more often than not it is just a cop out. It's the easy way to go. I once heard the analogy that if a man was standing in a burning building, would you just walk away and pray he gets out alive? Or would you go in and do whatever it took to help him find the way out? Or lets say you saw someone driving full speed towards the edge of a cliff… would you pray they realize it before the drive over? Or would you do anything and everything to get their attention before it’s too late?

If our God hates sin so much that He had to sacrifice His only Son so we could enter His presence, than we need to hate it just as much. This doesn't mean we hate the people... because if we hate anyone based on the fact that they are living in disobedience to the Word of God, then we should also hate ourselves.  As Christians, we too are sinners, simply redeemed by the blood and not by anything we ourselves have done to earn it.  The two commandments Christ left us with were "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul and all your mind." and "Love your neighbor as yourself." We tend to overlook the words used to describe love in the famous passage 1 Corinthians 13, but I recently read that one of the best ways to truly grasp this piece of scripture is to put your name in place of the word love: "Corinna is patient, Corinna is kind. She does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud. She is not rude, she is not self-seeking, she is not easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs. Corinna does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. She always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Corinna never fails." Anyone else feel like total garbage after doing that? I sure DO NOT fit that description!!! read it again, reread it, and again... let the words sink in. We can share God's truth openly and honestly, we just need to do it in LOVE. Share it in kindness, in patience, in humility... we don't need to be rude or get upset when someone attacks us, we are to PERSEVERE, and protect the people of God and the billions of souls at stake, by offering them the only thing  any of us truly needs. 

This applies in all circumstances...clearly there are some subjects that cause a greater "uproar" than others, (ie: abortion, money/greed, homosexuality, etc.). But just because they are "hot topics" does that mean we keep quiet? I can't imagine the great men of God throughout history, the very authors of the Word of God, remaining silent on any of these topics. In fact they were pretty direct when it came to disobedience in general. Given, they were writing to those who already claimed to know the Lord, but even for those who don't, you can still share the Truth without "shoving it down their throats". In those cases, wait on the leading of the Holy Spirit, and of course, always speak IN LOVE. Which to clarify, does not mean we don't talk about sin like the church is teaching anymore. This is where i didn't agree with the late Jerry Falwell... I felt he used the word "You" too much and came across very judgmental when he spoke...I remember a common analogy of his that compared gays to what went on in the barnyard, and even I was turned off by it. I don't mean to discredit him as a person or the amazing things God accomplished through him, but i do believe his approach wasn't the most loving. "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing." 1 Corinthians 1:18 They won't understand, but that doesn't mean we sit still and keep silent, it just means we pray find another approach. 

We are all so scared of controversy, of offending and losing "friends" that we refrain from speaking the truth, hence the birth of the "seeker friendly" movement. We are more scared of upsetting people than we are for their eternal well-being. Believe me, i hate controversy as much as anyone else, it never feels good to have people upset with you, even to the point of hatred. To wake up and realize yet another person has "deleted" you sucks. I don't care who you are, being torn up and spit out verbally hurts, but do we care more about our feelings being hurt or about the security of God's creation? When I face God, will the amount of friends I had on facebook matter more than the souls I could have reached had I allowed myself to fully surrender to God and His will? I agree, there is a point when we should keep our mouths shut...when a  conversation has turned sour and our words are hitting the ceiling. I also believe we should absolutely be personally living what we preach and praying for the lost, especially those in our realm of influence. But God gave us hands and feet, a brain, his Word, resources, and most of all, he gave us grace and mercy, not so we could live a life of peace and  comfort for ourselves, but so He could use us to "Go and make disciples of all nations." Yes, PRAY, but don't pray and just sit on the incredible gift God has given us. PRAY God will use us in a mighty way for His glory, PRAY God will give us wisdom and discernment for when and how to speak His truth, and PRAY God will open the hearts of our listeners to receive it, and Lord willing, to accept His precious gift of salvation.

This week's highlights

I had a few fun quotes to share, so rather than make several statuses i put them on here :)

D.J.: "Mama, I'm sorry Hayden was sick and we had to take her to the doctor's" Me: "Aww its ok, shes not sick, they just wanted to give her a check-up." D.J.: "Well, I'm sorry she had a lot of snots."

Kyleigh: "Mommy, my tummy doesn't feel very good." Me: "I know sweetie, I think you have a stomach bug." Kyleigh: (pause) "No....I dont think there is a bug in my tummy, I just think I'm sick."

D.J.: "Kyleigh, why are you getting the cars for me?" Kyleigh: "Because I want someone to bring them back so we can do it again." D.J. "Cause you are being nice?" Kyleigh: "Ummm....yeah....sure." D.J."And you want to play with me?" Kyleigh :"uh huh" D.J.: "And not Landon?" Kyleigh: "Yup." D.J.: "Wow, that's great."

Kyleigh (picking up her toys in the living room after I asked them to) "Mama, we are 'serving one another in love' right?" - that was their memory verse a few weeks ago :)

And my personal favorite is the fact that Kyleigh voluntarily folded the laundry for me (which most of  you knew) and today as I was putting clothes away in the boys room, I discovered that D.J. had taken his jeans off after we got home today, folded them, and put them in his drawer.... man, thank you Lord for those small moments where you feel like you may actually be doing SOMETHING right! :) love my sweet babies

A taste of humility

I came to the realization recently, that apart from the first 5 months of Kyleigh's life, I have never had JUST my children nor have I ever gone a time without at least two kids being the same age. Here is a break down of the past 5 years:

1: two babies under 1, a 4 year old and a 6 year old.
2: two babies under 1 and two 1 year olds.
3: one baby under 1, two 1 year olds, and two 2 year olds.
4: three babies under 1, two 2 year olds, and one 3 year old.
5: two babies under 1, one 1 year old, 3 two year olds, and a 4 year old.
6. one baby under 1, one 2 year old, two 3 year olds, and a 4 year old.

When I sat down and really processed that information, my eyes started filling up with tears. No wonder I'm exhausted and my nerves are shot. For the past 5 years I have done nothing but change numerous diapers, clean up bodily fluids of all sorts, wipe snotty noses and care for sick kids, pick up hundreds of toys, bathe, clothe, feed, discipline, correct and teach X 4 + kids at a time. There were times where I remember changing 4 to 5 stinky diapers at once, feeding two babies at the same time, breaking up fights while holding a screaming baby, and grabbing an "off limits" item from another's hand. On top of that, through it all I have always been pregnant or nursing. The continuous attention needed throughout a day with that many dependent little ones is, for lack of a better word, exhausting.  I think back over it all and am so incredibly humbled because there is without a doubt, NO way I would have made it through these years without the amazing grace and strength of my loving Father. He knew what we needed financially, and allowed a way for me to stay home with my babies and still bring in an income, but without His constant hand in my life I would have never made it this far! I've had my share of mental breakdowns along the way, which goes to show I would have been placed in padded room by now had it not been for the Lord! I am also convinced that He used this time to help me grow spiritually, because as I have said before, nothing shapes one to be more like Christ than children!! :) I am thankful for the past 5 years and the realization of my inability to endure without complete dependence upon my God. I am weak, and you are strong oh Lord. Without you I can do nothing, but with you I can do all things! Thank you Lord for this time of growth and maturity, as well as the nice slap in the face to my pride... With a very independent and "dominant" personanlity, I am thankful for the opportunities God provides to show me I am no longer independent but 100% dependent on the grace and mercy of my Father in heaven!

Typical Tuesday

So....this week is a reminder of how my life normally is...incredibly chaotic LOL I've been having a nice few weeks so I had forgotten how crazy these kids can be! The day started off some what ok... the usual craziness of everyone waking up, changing diapers, making breakfast, and of course in the midst of bickering and yelling,along with the added task of giving Hayden a breathing treatment. Then my poor mom called and needed me to come help because she locked her keys in the van, so thanks to my oh so wonderful friend Glory who came and watched the kids for me, i was able to go help her. When i get back from that, it was about 10:15 and I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, so I started making my food and Jonas comes into the kitchen and says in his extra whiney voice, "what are you dooooooing?!" Me: "im making my breakfast, I havent eaten yet." Jonas: "BUT I ALREADY AAAAAATE!" Me: "Yes i know honey, this is mine." Jonas: "But I waaaaaant sooooome." LOL this is a glimpse of his mood today, hes just coming back from being sick all last week so hes of course not himself, i can relate for sure!! ;) We then ATTEMPT to move onto pre-school... HA...HA... I sit them down and try to review a few things from the past two weeks... I got a blank stare from D.J. who has this amazing ability to zone out and fall into a daze whenever I am talking...Jonas started whining saying he didnt want to do any school, and Kyleigh kept trying to feed Maxwell his snack (because Kyleigh thinks she is in fact the mother in this house). An attempt at reading our Bible story led to me telling Kyleigh and Jonas to stop laying down, and D.J. was scooting around the room while Maxwell attempted to hit him with his snack container, and then Jonas decides to dig into his little nose and wipes it on the rug. Gotta love their hospitality at this age, right? LOL  Then comes in my other sick child, Landon, who has now picked up a nice cold himself. He drags his little feet across the floor, crying the whole way ( sounding like a seal every time he Letters for the boys, and words for kyleigh. This didn't last long, once they started getting to the ones they didnt know, and the marsh-mellows stopped coming, they were done showing any kind of effort. Then all of a sudden, Landon finds a water bottle, opens it, takes a sip, and poors the rest of it all over the rug. Pre-school was then over. I cleaned it up, then went to make lunch. They all of course came in the kitchen before i was finished getting their food ready but i let them have what was ready and said, " im not done yet so dont start asking me for anything." as soon as the words leave my mouth, D.J. "Can i have some juice please?" Jonas " I need a fork" Landon: "uuuuuuh uuuuuuuh!!" (translation - "JUICE!") <sigh> Onward we go.  Then its time to clean up before nap... it only took me telling them about 10 times, but eventually the rooms were cleaned up. During that time, i took Maxwell downstairs to put him to sleep, lay him in the bed, go to get the fan and come back to find he had screamed so hard he thew up. So i cleaned that up, went back upstairs, and spent the next 20 minutes trying to get the VERY WIRED kiddos to go to sleep. D.J. "I need to go potty." Then "I need a drink" Then"I need my pillow and blanket from downstairs." Then Kyleigh asks if she can make her bed on the floor with Jonas, I said not today which led to her crying hysterically. The kids finally went down, (so i thought), only for Hayden to then wake up. So, fed her, changed her, did her breathing treatment, cleaned out her nose and put her back in bed ( shes still very sick :( ) only to have Maxwell start screaming bloody murder downstairs again. Then i go to start on the laundry, open up the washer and find that one of the things i washed had ripped open and their was stuffing all over the washer and every piece of clothing in it. (its gonna be fun to clean that up! :) ) So, here i sit...drinking my much needed cup of coffee, listening to my boys jumping up and down in their beds ( because they never went to sleep) Maxwells making his way around the house and doing what he and Landon do best, touching whatever they shouldnt LOL and I'm preparing for the second half of the day... Hope everyone is having a wonderful day so far, i'm going to block out the fact that its only Tuesday!! lol

Failure by choice

I have been in such a slump since I had Hayden. For the life of me I cannot seem to get a consistent routine down that allows me to accomplish all that needs to be done. I have so many ideas, so many chores, and so many kids that I just can't seem to get it all in no matter what I do! I had a friend ask recently how some of us fit it all in, and i responded with "I gave up and accepted that I never will until my kids are independent!" Its so frustrating though, because i look at the house and think "YUCK" and "FAIL", I see the kids and know that this time is precious and I need to utilize it so they will be trained "right" in the Lord. I want routine, I want to have devotion time with them, I want chore charts, I want quality time with each one, etc..etc...etc... but before I know it, the day is always over and I'm rushing to get them to bed so i can hit the sheets myself! I have friends whose homes are immaculate, and i think "how?? how do you do this?? what is wrong with me!" Or when my parents tell me about families at their church with stair step children who will sit quietly through an entire church service...seriously? my kids? yeah, that would last about 5 minutes. Its exhausting... and with a very disciplined type A personality, its nearly impossible for me to accept defeat in anything. If i want something done, I do it, its how I've always been. But these past few months I've found myself doing one of the things that frustrates me the most, making plans and failing to follow through with them. Its exhausting trying to get it all in, to be the "perfect" parent and wife, to keep the "perfect" home, to be the "best" friend to everyone... not only is that impossible no matter your situation or who you are, but I feel like Solomon's analogy applies in that its like "chasing after the wind." Its just NOT going to happen. So today...I surrender God. I'm pretty sure that's all you've wanted me to to do anyways isn't it? I, especially out of my own power, will not accomplish all i want and need to do today, or tomorrow, or ever. For you Mama's out there who seem to have it all together... I admire you, but I cannot compete. I give this day, and those that follow to God, and whatever He will have me accomplish with each breath He allows me to breathe, that will be sufficient for me. I'm throwing in the towel... so when you come to my house and see my piles of laundry, or dishes, or the dust one my ceiling fans, or better yet, if my children are pulling each other's hair out, screaming, throwing tantrums or breaking something...know that I am admittedly a failure...and I have no shame. ;)